This weekend, someone called me a MILF. Yes, I'm over 30, but no, I don't have any kids, so it was particularly odd.
I have more to say on the subject, but since I'm so OLD, I have a responsible job that requires me to get up at 5:30 am. And since I'm so NOT AT ALL OLD AND I SHOULD REALLY GROW UP ALREADY, I was watching Family Guy in the basement of my fraternity house until late (with said MILF-labeller), and only got four hours of sleep last night. And a MILF needs her beauty sleep, you know.
Sorry about all the shouting there. You know how we old ladies get cranky and temperamental. I'm going to have some tea to soothe my nerves and do a spot of knitting.
Monday, May 08, 2006
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
The new leaf
I had an epiphany over the weekend.
(as a huge Joyce fan, I absolutely love having epiphanies. When I was in high school, try as I might, I could not understand the concept of an epiphany, aside from the early January holiday, so now I revel in them when I have them.)
Anyway...
This past weekend I visited friends with two kids. The one-year-old boy is always smiling and laughing, and loves to be held and cuddled, and loves to get raspberries on his belly. He always acts happy to see you, and he totally responds to the affection he is offered. The other child, a four-year-old girl, is really strong-willed and incredibly smart, but she's also a little prickly and not at all cuddly. She will almost never give a hug or a kiss, or tell you she loves you. Although I adore her and am constantly amazed at her brilliance and hysterical sense of humor (so young to be so witty!), I have to admit that her brother is more effortlessly lovable.
Playing with the two of them this weekend, I remembered an NPR story I heard a while back, about mothers who felt guilty because they were afraid that they loved one child more than another. One mother in the story described her two children basically the same way as the two kids I was with -- one was strong-willed and independent, and the other was cuddly and affectionate. And the mother admitted that it's just easier to love the cuddly one, because he's the one who loves you back.
THEN, I remembered something my first love said to me so many years ago, in a love letter that I still have. "O Maggie it is so hard to love you, but I do..." See, when I was in high school and college, I was very affectionate and outgoing. But after college, people were really critical of me for being that way, and unlike when I was younger, I responded to that criticism, and changed my behavior. Then, in New York, it seemed that everyone plays it so cool, and they laugh at you like you're a sucker if you show your heart. Even worse, a woman is derided for being desperate or scheming and clawing if she shows any interest at all,and that just made my blood boil. But instead of fighting that attitude, I went to extremes to avoid ever being accused of it (which did no good anyway).
So I closed up my heart, and now if I'm interested in someone, I don't know how to show it, and instead I back WAY OFF. I show more interest and love to people I barely know than to people I care about, for fear of being "too much" or "too intense" -- all because of what others have tried to teach me.
Now I am going to work very hard to open my heart back up and be loving, and in turn, loveable, again. I am trying to turn off the censor, and instead of thinking about how to behave (hmm, maybe I was calculating after all, but not in the way they meant), I will just act from the heart and show what I feel.
I started last night, and it was SO much better. I felt like myself for the first time in ages and I had a wonderful time. I caught myself a couple of times, like the moment I wanted to kiss A. on the cheek for no apparent reason and I hesitated, but then I did it, and then later I did it again without even thinking about it. Baby steps, I know, but this can only lead to good things.
I may have made similar proclamations before. I've known for a while that I was closed off, and wanted to change, but I didn't feel it. It was only a cerebral awareness, not in my gut. That's the whole point of an epiphany -- it hits you on a different level. And maybe the new city will help with the new attitude as well. I can only hope so, and try.
Wish me luck.
(as a huge Joyce fan, I absolutely love having epiphanies. When I was in high school, try as I might, I could not understand the concept of an epiphany, aside from the early January holiday, so now I revel in them when I have them.)
Anyway...
This past weekend I visited friends with two kids. The one-year-old boy is always smiling and laughing, and loves to be held and cuddled, and loves to get raspberries on his belly. He always acts happy to see you, and he totally responds to the affection he is offered. The other child, a four-year-old girl, is really strong-willed and incredibly smart, but she's also a little prickly and not at all cuddly. She will almost never give a hug or a kiss, or tell you she loves you. Although I adore her and am constantly amazed at her brilliance and hysterical sense of humor (so young to be so witty!), I have to admit that her brother is more effortlessly lovable.
Playing with the two of them this weekend, I remembered an NPR story I heard a while back, about mothers who felt guilty because they were afraid that they loved one child more than another. One mother in the story described her two children basically the same way as the two kids I was with -- one was strong-willed and independent, and the other was cuddly and affectionate. And the mother admitted that it's just easier to love the cuddly one, because he's the one who loves you back.
THEN, I remembered something my first love said to me so many years ago, in a love letter that I still have. "O Maggie it is so hard to love you, but I do..." See, when I was in high school and college, I was very affectionate and outgoing. But after college, people were really critical of me for being that way, and unlike when I was younger, I responded to that criticism, and changed my behavior. Then, in New York, it seemed that everyone plays it so cool, and they laugh at you like you're a sucker if you show your heart. Even worse, a woman is derided for being desperate or scheming and clawing if she shows any interest at all,and that just made my blood boil. But instead of fighting that attitude, I went to extremes to avoid ever being accused of it (which did no good anyway).
So I closed up my heart, and now if I'm interested in someone, I don't know how to show it, and instead I back WAY OFF. I show more interest and love to people I barely know than to people I care about, for fear of being "too much" or "too intense" -- all because of what others have tried to teach me.
Now I am going to work very hard to open my heart back up and be loving, and in turn, loveable, again. I am trying to turn off the censor, and instead of thinking about how to behave (hmm, maybe I was calculating after all, but not in the way they meant), I will just act from the heart and show what I feel.
I started last night, and it was SO much better. I felt like myself for the first time in ages and I had a wonderful time. I caught myself a couple of times, like the moment I wanted to kiss A. on the cheek for no apparent reason and I hesitated, but then I did it, and then later I did it again without even thinking about it. Baby steps, I know, but this can only lead to good things.
I may have made similar proclamations before. I've known for a while that I was closed off, and wanted to change, but I didn't feel it. It was only a cerebral awareness, not in my gut. That's the whole point of an epiphany -- it hits you on a different level. And maybe the new city will help with the new attitude as well. I can only hope so, and try.
Wish me luck.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Jealousy, thy name is Maggie
Damn those lovely, witty, brilliant Fugsters. Not only do they have the Best Intern Ever. But to add to my torture, it seems he gives great footrubs too.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Thank you, Dan Savage....
So I'm warming up to my workday by catching up on a few back episodes of Something Positive, when I overhear one coworker say to another "I knew you were a sensitive guy like that. I had you pegged!"
Good thing I had not just taken a sip of my tea, or there would have been some Dean Martin-style spewing going on...
Good thing I had not just taken a sip of my tea, or there would have been some Dean Martin-style spewing going on...
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Some creepy imagery
Just checked the stats, which I haven't done in forever. Good news is that I've crossed the 10,000 hits mark! You like me, you really like me!
Bad news is, people all over the place have been coming here by searching for creepy images. The most popular referrer by far is a Google Image Search to that NOT SAFE FOR WORK Anna K. picture I posted over a year ago. The next most popular referrer is a Google Image Search for my profile image. Which either means I'm going to get sued, or that someone's trying to figure out who I am. Neither of which is very nice.
Bad news is, people all over the place have been coming here by searching for creepy images. The most popular referrer by far is a Google Image Search to that NOT SAFE FOR WORK Anna K. picture I posted over a year ago. The next most popular referrer is a Google Image Search for my profile image. Which either means I'm going to get sued, or that someone's trying to figure out who I am. Neither of which is very nice.
Monday, April 10, 2006
For those of you who've never met me ...
... I've got a great rack.
Seriously, ask everyone who has already met me. And this is a lucky thing, because apparently A isn't much of a butt man, so my rockin' ass, which you all have seen on this blog, is totally wasted on him.
And that's all I'm going to say about A, becasue unlike all the other guys I've written about here in deliciously inappropriate detail, I actually like and respect him. And Manda says he makes me happy, and sometimes I need to be reminded of obvious stuff like that, but she's right, he does.
So remember when I was interviewing for this faboo new job, and I kept trying to keep it secret, because I didn't want to jinx anything? Same story here. The only person I'm telling all to is my realtor, because he is my New Best Friend and must know Everything About Me to find me The Perfect House. Or something like that.
Seriously, ask everyone who has already met me. And this is a lucky thing, because apparently A isn't much of a butt man, so my rockin' ass, which you all have seen on this blog, is totally wasted on him.
And that's all I'm going to say about A, becasue unlike all the other guys I've written about here in deliciously inappropriate detail, I actually like and respect him. And Manda says he makes me happy, and sometimes I need to be reminded of obvious stuff like that, but she's right, he does.
So remember when I was interviewing for this faboo new job, and I kept trying to keep it secret, because I didn't want to jinx anything? Same story here. The only person I'm telling all to is my realtor, because he is my New Best Friend and must know Everything About Me to find me The Perfect House. Or something like that.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
The Clooney is such exquisite torture
Oh,this is killing me! Daily tips on where to see my husband, right after I leave town! It's not FAIR! I'm on the verge of moving back, just for him, and the new walls and floor in my old apartment, and to get my taxes done...
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I Walk the Line -- of Shame
This kind of info would have been very useful in my Jersey-working days, becuase when you live in Brooklyn and work in the armpit of the Jersey ghetto where there are no decent stores for emergency clothes shopping at any time -- well, you can bring your hookup to your place or you'd better find someplace near the PATH that's open early.
Of course, I didn't know, so I used to bring them home.... Poor Siena.
And now this is all useless to me, but soon I'll put together my own list of resources for the Boston area. Inthe meantime, may it serve all my beloved New York peepstresses well. Walk the shame proudly for me!
Of course, I didn't know, so I used to bring them home.... Poor Siena.
And now this is all useless to me, but soon I'll put together my own list of resources for the Boston area. Inthe meantime, may it serve all my beloved New York peepstresses well. Walk the shame proudly for me!
Don't buy for me, Argentina
I know how much you all love me, and how much you New Yorkers are missing me already. So I just want to let you know, I already picked this up. But it is the thought that counts, so thank you!
Quick, make a wish!
This morning, at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 a.m., the time and date was 01:02:03 04/05/06. If you're not committed to military time, you have another chance to catch it this afternoon.
A clean, well-lighted place
I wish I didn't mind, I really do. Driving out to my parents' house, a cute, fluffy little white bunny ran across the street ahead of me. Awwwww. (no, I did not hit it. It was not suicidal; I just saw it in my headlights waaay ahead of me.)
Driving around my parking garage at the apartment, trying to find a space, a HUGE rat ran out from under a car and into a trash can. Eewwwwww.
I mean, they're both just little animals -- disturbingly, of roughly equivalent size (that was one large rat) -- going about their lives. But now I'm creeped out. Like I wasn't freaked enough by the underground garage, between my mother's panicked calls to make sure I wasn't mugged on my way home, and perpetual viewings of old episodes of Alias, with Sidney getting attacked in a garage every other episode. Already I've been trying to park near the elevator vestiblues, and stay away from the low-clearance creepy damp end of the garage. But now I'm all afraid something's going to scurry up my ankles.
Fucking Big Dig construction, displacing all the poor, homeless rats and putting them in my path.
Oh, and the other freaky thing that happened in the garage last night. I never got a tour of my building, and apparently it's chock full of secret passages and back entryways. So last night I get in the elevator (18th floor views of the river, baybee!), on my way out to the folks, and there's a guy in there already. Very nice, pushes the button for me, lets me off first, holds the door open. I turn left and he turns right. When I get to the elevator to the garage (I told you it was a complicated building), he's coming from the other end of that hallway. We laugh, and I tell him I still don't really know my way around, and he tells me about the back door to the garage, and shows me the way. We get to the garage, I say goodbye, and walk towards my car (blissfully unaware at that time of the Rat Menace).
I hear a noise behind me, a strange building-type grinding noise, turn around, and see the guy right behind me. I'm not afraid of him or anything, but I take my key out to push the beep-beep button to unlock the car for quick getaway -- and the lights of the car next to me flash. He's parked next to me!
Too weird. At least when we exited the garage, he turned right and I turned left. I was half expecting him to be headed out to suburbia....
Driving around my parking garage at the apartment, trying to find a space, a HUGE rat ran out from under a car and into a trash can. Eewwwwww.
I mean, they're both just little animals -- disturbingly, of roughly equivalent size (that was one large rat) -- going about their lives. But now I'm creeped out. Like I wasn't freaked enough by the underground garage, between my mother's panicked calls to make sure I wasn't mugged on my way home, and perpetual viewings of old episodes of Alias, with Sidney getting attacked in a garage every other episode. Already I've been trying to park near the elevator vestiblues, and stay away from the low-clearance creepy damp end of the garage. But now I'm all afraid something's going to scurry up my ankles.
Fucking Big Dig construction, displacing all the poor, homeless rats and putting them in my path.
Oh, and the other freaky thing that happened in the garage last night. I never got a tour of my building, and apparently it's chock full of secret passages and back entryways. So last night I get in the elevator (18th floor views of the river, baybee!), on my way out to the folks, and there's a guy in there already. Very nice, pushes the button for me, lets me off first, holds the door open. I turn left and he turns right. When I get to the elevator to the garage (I told you it was a complicated building), he's coming from the other end of that hallway. We laugh, and I tell him I still don't really know my way around, and he tells me about the back door to the garage, and shows me the way. We get to the garage, I say goodbye, and walk towards my car (blissfully unaware at that time of the Rat Menace).
I hear a noise behind me, a strange building-type grinding noise, turn around, and see the guy right behind me. I'm not afraid of him or anything, but I take my key out to push the beep-beep button to unlock the car for quick getaway -- and the lights of the car next to me flash. He's parked next to me!
Too weird. At least when we exited the garage, he turned right and I turned left. I was half expecting him to be headed out to suburbia....
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Get yer mitts off my husband, Gawker!
Oh. My. God. Gawker has now dedicated an entire channel to my husband. It all seems to be in good fun, but I'm just thrilled to have one-stop George news I can subscribe to.
Of course, I am equally sad to learn that he checked into the Peninsula and is filming in Midtown just as soon as I left town. That's just mean.
But that's okay. My new job is so incredibly kick-ass alsome that soon I'll be a super-famous but really nice columnist, and by June I'll interview him for said new film he's working on... and then we'll get maaaa-reeeeeed. For real, yo.
Of course, I am equally sad to learn that he checked into the Peninsula and is filming in Midtown just as soon as I left town. That's just mean.
But that's okay. My new job is so incredibly kick-ass alsome that soon I'll be a super-famous but really nice columnist, and by June I'll interview him for said new film he's working on... and then we'll get maaaa-reeeeeed. For real, yo.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Not to sound ungrateful ...
... but when you come home to find your front door locked differently, the bathroom door shut when you'd left it open, the blinds opened onto the patio door -- oh, and the bed made and the rug vacuumed, it's a kind of disconcerting way to discover that your corporate apartment includes maid service!
Chopped Pickles
Ah, to be back in Boston, where you can get chopped pickles and minced hot peppers on your sub, like a sub is supposed to be!
Hey, remember the bachelors?
Seems like Daily Candy does; they've described them each pretty spot-on, too!
Friday, March 31, 2006
Let Si Get This? I never had the chance...
Five years at Advance, and I never managed to break into the glamourous set. Sometimes you have to cut your losses...
Friday, March 24, 2006
Yes, a Leprechaun!
Did I ever tell you about the Tarot-reading leprechaun who told my future inteh Burlington Mall Macy's? He said I'd meet a guy who made me laugh. I love leprechauns.
Who knows how to make love stay?
Tell love you are going to Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Weep
As I walked out of my building just now, I was seized with an overwhelming feeling. I mean that literally: overwhelming, as in I couldn't see, couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and definitely couldn't shake it off. Feeling, as in I physically felt as though something had grabbed hold of the soft spot just below my solar plexus, took a big handful and yanked hard.
I am deep in it. As sure as I was when I first heard about the new job and I just knew it was perfect for me, that it would make me happy and that I had to have it -- so too am I now sure that Chris is the guy. So what the hell is his problem, why is he fucking it up? Is this just part of the movie's plot, something I have to live with before the romantic, tear-jerking last scene? Or is this my punishment for talking about it too soon, unlike my long secretive silence about the job, for fear of jinxing it. I hope it's not some punishment or curse for breaking someone's heart in the past -- I've tried to be kind and not too much of a heartbreaker.
Haneway says that I need a guy who's sure that he wants me and is strong enough to go right out and get me, with none of this pussyfooting confusion bullshit. And a part of me agrees with her, but my solar plexus says otherwise. I need him to find the balls to be that guy.
My beloved friends, your positive thoughts helped seal the deal on the dream job. Can you spare a little more of those good vibes to secure my romantic happiness as well?
I am deep in it. As sure as I was when I first heard about the new job and I just knew it was perfect for me, that it would make me happy and that I had to have it -- so too am I now sure that Chris is the guy. So what the hell is his problem, why is he fucking it up? Is this just part of the movie's plot, something I have to live with before the romantic, tear-jerking last scene? Or is this my punishment for talking about it too soon, unlike my long secretive silence about the job, for fear of jinxing it. I hope it's not some punishment or curse for breaking someone's heart in the past -- I've tried to be kind and not too much of a heartbreaker.
Haneway says that I need a guy who's sure that he wants me and is strong enough to go right out and get me, with none of this pussyfooting confusion bullshit. And a part of me agrees with her, but my solar plexus says otherwise. I need him to find the balls to be that guy.
My beloved friends, your positive thoughts helped seal the deal on the dream job. Can you spare a little more of those good vibes to secure my romantic happiness as well?
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