Really, who couldn't use a good cocktail about now?
More humor dear to my former-English-teaching heart:
The Fall of the Iron(y) Curtain
I am an entropy magnet.
-- Less talk, more monkeys.
-- Indulge often. Welcome temptation. Resist nothing. Satisfy always.
-- Delicious and Nutritious!
-- More drinking, less driving.
-- Admit it, so are you.