Me: I'm definitely going to come by after the office party
Me: I can't believe you guys are moving tomorrow
Me: you're crazy
C: it's too much to deal with; I'm going nuts
Me: hey, at least half your family isn't in and out of the hospital. It could be worse
Me: I haven't sent christmas cards yet; I feel very guilty
C: ug. that's literally the LAST thing on my mind
Me: well, considering everything that's going on
Me: and, since my mother is convinced that my grandmother won't make it until christmas, you want to get stuff out to her as soon as possible, you know?
Me: you do know everything that's going on, right?
C: sorry, no
Me: (Insert summary of all the stuff you've already read about below, which C had missed while he was buying a HOUSE in the SUBURBS!)
C: well, I had the most terrifying experience of my life two days ago, but it's completely inconsequential and crass compared to these troubles
Me: no, no, no
Me: my family shit does not diminish your stuff. I tell you so you know, not to make you feel guilty or sorry for me
C: it really does, I've been getting so stressed and terrified, you're really actually calming me down telling me this stuff
Me: terrified? what's up?
C: you wouldn't believe it.
Me: well, I'm glad to know that
C: so I go to the bank to get 10K in certified checks for the closing.....
C: (as any good story starts...)
Me: it was a dark and stormy bank
C: then, on the way home, I see some boxes
C: boxes! I say
Me: yay, free packing materials!
C: that's good, I need some boxes!
Me: I did that when I moved, went to office buildings and got empty computer boxes
C: that's totally how we're doing this
Me: it's the best way
C: so I pick up the boxes and go on my merry way home
C: I get home
C: throw down the boxes
C: go to the computer
C: and, wait,
C: hang on...
C: where are the 10K in checks?
C: new rule: when carrying around $10,000... FOCUS.
Me: oh, dear god
Me: where did you leave them?
C: you don't want to hear the play by play of my twenty minutes of SHEER TERROR?
Me: yes, yes I do
C: the tearing apart of the apartment?
Me: but I don't want to actually FEEL the terror, as I can't take it right now
Me: so I want to take a peek at the last page first
C: the retracing of the steps back to the grocery store?
C: it all ends fine, at least in this universe
Me: you know, buying your first home is indeed one of the most stressful things you can do. a major purchase like that throws all your systems into overdrive
C: so I look in the boxes for the fourth time
C: about to call the cops or something
C: first time- shook the box
C: 2nd time- looked in the boxes
C: 3rd time- physically felt through the boxes
C: so you can imagine the level of SHEER TERROR at this point
Me: yes, I'm feeling it
Me: you tell a good story
C: it's so hard to get people to sit still and listen
C: fourth time, I'm unfolding all the flaps and shit, ready to take them apart
Me: stuck in a flap?!
Me: C, I hate to say this
Me: but don't you have pockets? or a messenger bag or something?
C: I'm a ditz, I know
C: I had them in a nice folder!
C: I thought I was being all professional!
Me: that's what you get for trying to be professional!
Me: next thing I know, you'll go and cut your hair or something crazy like that
Me: I can't take it, C
Me: please don't tell me you're not drinking tonight so you won't have a hangover for the move tomorrow!
C: hahahaha, no
C: I'll probably still be drunk for the move
Me: good idea