Sunday, April 15, 2007

Hair tips for girls

I'm at a party where I know no one. A college party, no less, in a neighborhood where I used to teach junior high (probably while these kids were still in elementary school, if I'm lucky). A punk rock basement band college party, and I'm wearing a velvet skirt and no leather or visible piercings. I'm just there to keep a friend company, and we're only supposed to stay for a minute.

Not really equipped for the mosh pit, I go out on the deck for some air. Damn I want a cigarette, but no way am I going to bum from these kids. I lean against the doorframe and observe.

"Excuse me, I know this is really strange to ask, but... How do you get your hair to do that? It's so gorgeous!"

Okay, I do have fabulous hair, but you wouldn't think the punk rockers would appreciate it... So I tell the pretty blond in the orange hoodie my secret for five-minute hair fabulousness:

1. Flip head over and dry as quickly as possible
2. Comb out snarls.
3. Put in a dozen velcro rollers, the kind with metal on the inside so they heat up (cheap at CVS)
4. Blast for a minute or two with the hair dryer on high heat.
5. Get in car, drive to party, remove before exiting car.

She laughs. "wow, if I'd known it was so easy... I never do anything with my hair; I still have semen in it from last nigh-- oh, did I just say too much?"

"Hey, whatever works!"

Now we've bonded. She introduces me to all her friends, and within minutes I've rubbed a few shaved heads and learned how to open a beer with a lighter. A cute guy named Bubba has his arm around my waist while I smoke a cig he bummed for me. The kids in the yard below us are wailing a hard-core a cappella version of some Journey song, and all is right with the world.


Nomda Ploome said...

See, I kind of think that really great hair is the kind that looks great when you just wash and go. Does anyone have that kind of hair? I dream of that...

Oh, and your new friend with day-after hair... eeeuwww. Talk about over-sharing.

Maggie said...

I can have wash-and-go hair fabulousness, sometimes, depending on the humidity level. In the summer, I wash, towel-blot, and don't even comb it, and it dries into perfect waves. In New Mexico, it air-dried straight and smooth. But indeterminate humidity days create weird bumps that need a bit of Velcro guidance.

Oh, and I'm totlally dependent on a good haircut.

You know who has perfect wash-and-go? Karuna! Damn that girl has great hair. Also, my ex-fiancee's wife has thick wavy hair of a beautiful auburn color that looks good long or short, well-cut or hacked blunt, with absolutely no effort.