Showing posts with label Lumberjack. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lumberjack. Show all posts

Monday, September 15, 2008

Money well spent

When a rock-climbing 27-year-old hottie hardbody (yes, yes, it’s the Captain) called my breasts “gorgeous” this weekend, in a playing-doctor scene that really should have given my almost 38-year-old self some serious body anxiety . . . well, I have to admit, it made the $10K I spent on that reduction a few years ago totally worth it. I promise, I will never again complain and get all insecure that they’re a teeny bit lopsided.

But what about B, you might ask? Well of course I’m thrilled when he admires me as well. But he’s not objective. And just because I felt validated by the Captain does not mean I don't also appreciate it when it comes from B; it’s just that I was prepared for the young hardbody to be a harsher judge, so it was a very pleasant surprise.

Oh, calm down. It's okay, B knows all about it. He let me play out some lingering distractions as I conquer my long-standing commitment-phobia. This unexpected hook-up with the Captain came after two years of flirtatious IMs and racy text messages that I never thought would ever transcend the typed word.
Sample exchange #1:
Captain: Why are you wearing panties? Why aren’t they around your ankles?
Maggie: Because I’m getting cash from the ATM

Sample exchange #2:
Captain: It’s hot and I’m in bed. Are you naked yet?
Maggie: Nope, playing Scattergories with my roommate.
(Later I fed the cat, too.)

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

More female trouble

A bit of stream of consciousness about something that's been making me feel creepy all day. Summarized from an IM with my darling bf:

Last St. Patrick's day, we were all at the bar, and the Lumberjack was there with his new undergrad girlfriend, who he'd met at a party in January. And I was sad, cried later, because it was the nail in the coffin that nothing was ever going to happen with us.

But it wasn't just that. There was something else that night that made me sad.
The Storm.

Storm had been friends with the Usual Suspects before I'd moved back home and met all these hooligans. Also, the Lumberjack used to cheat on his last girlfriend with her, but as far as I ever heard, they'd never actually dated for real. Since then, there had been some kind of falling out between Storm and the U.S., but she was still friends with 'Jack. But because of the circumstances, everything was hazy and unspoken by the time I started meeting these people.

I met Storm because 'Jack started bringing her to PubNight. Again, no one was talking, really, neither 'Jack nor the U.S., but as I understood it, 'Jack wasn't taking part in the falling out/shunning, so he brought his friend out, with no apologies nor explanations.

Now,
1. I liked her, she made a good first impression
2. I like 'Jack, and as such wanted to be friends with his friends, and know what's going on in his life. So I talked to her, we hit it off. And I want to make my own judgment about this new person I've met.

But she lives far away, and only seems to come to the area with him. So I'm beginning to notice that indeed, she is a little fucked up; the U.S aren't totally off-base. But still, I want to judge on my own.

Turns out Storm is still hung up on the Lumberjack. But she also has this boyfriend up where she lives. So she's been sublimating her romantic feelings into a friendship, like you do.

ANYway...
St. Pat's day, at the bar. Most of the Usual Suspects are there, as are 'Jack and his undergrad, and Storm and her guy, and me. The Undergrad is stuck to 'Jack like glue, and taking every opportunity to point out that he is HERS. While 'Jack pulls her aside to tell her to Chill, Storm asks me who the hell that is. I explain that she's 'Jack's new teeniebopper girlfriend, and Storm FLIPS OUT.

This is a woman with a boyfriend.

So part of the reason I was so sad after St. Paddy's was that I looked at Storm, who was the "other woman" for this guy with no honest and public relationship coming of it, and who now had a boyfriend and was still hung up on him. And I said to myself, "I do not want to be this woman. I tried, it didn't work, I need to move on. I deserve better."

And I mourned a little, but I did move on.

I also found out that night that Storm was moving back to the area -- in fact, right around the corner from me! So we'd exchanged phone numbers, and said we were going to hang out. She was supposed to move April 1.

The first week in April, she calls me, says "sorry I haven't checked in yet, turns out I'm moving April 15, everything's a mess."
I'm all, that's cool; let me know when you're settled in.
And then, she starts grilling me on 'Jack and the undergrad.
She's bullshit; starts in all -- APPARENTLY he's not her friend anymore, APPARENTLY he doesn't value her, if he's keeping these secrets from her. She says she HAS a boyfriend, she doesn't NEED 'Jack, et cetera.

I try to calm her, try to dissociate, get off the phone. She says she'll call me after she moves and settles in, and I don't here from her ever again.
That was almost exactly a year ago.

Since then, Storm always comes up when I run the Friend Finder on Facebook, but I never friend her, because she's not my friend. Today, when I ran it, though, something caught my eye.

Storm's new profile pic is a picture of her in a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown...
with last year's boyfriend next to her....
and she's holding a newborn.

Yup, they had a baby a month ago.

So basically, she gave up on the Lumberjack, and got knocked up in short order.

Way to move on!

Honestly, this is great for her, she looks happy, and moving on was clearly the right thing to do. And she's engaged to the baby's father.

But I can't help it, the timing of it just makes me go ew ew ew.

Am I right? B says that's a fucked up story, full of fucked up people and fucked up decisions and fucked up emotions, and yes, ew.

I've been creeped out all day, so just wanted to share. (though I know this is not the breeding story I have been promising you, sorry...)

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Mantra for a recovering bitchy girlfriend

The Sweet Escape lyrics
(feat. Akon)

[Gwen]
If I could escape I would but,
First of all, let me say
I must apologize for acting stank & treating you this way
Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

[CHORUS]
If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet, I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better, Tell me boy wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

[Akon]
I want to get away, to our sweet escape
I want to get away, yeah

[Gwen]
You held me down, I'm at my lowest boiling point
Come help me out, I need to get me out of this joint
Come on let's bounce, counting on you to turn me around
Instead of clowning around, let's look for some common ground
So baby, times get a little crazy
I've been gettin' a little lazy, waitin' on you to come save me
I can see that you're angry by the way that you treat me
Hopefully you don't leave me, wanna take you with me

[CHORUS]
If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Woohoo, Yeehoo
Woohoo, Yeehoo (If I could escape)
Woohoo, yeehoo (If I could escape)
Woohoo, Yeehoo

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator
Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

[CHORUS]
If I could escape & recreate a place that's my own world
& I could be your favourite girl (forever), Perfectly together
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)
If I could be sweet (sorry boy)
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
& tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet? (sweet escape)

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Random Thoughts

Sigh. Whenever I get out of the bogging groove, you all lose so many pearls of my wisdom that scatter to be forever lost in the neighbor's back yard, or wherever the grass happens to be. So some thoughts without artistry or wisdom:

1. Reading Dana Vachon's novel; it is lovely and I can't put it down.

2. Had another dream in the half-sleep moments in which I was in labor with the Lumberjack by my side. I've gotten him altogether out of my waking thoughts, but I'm still having babies with him in the REM stages. Not quite sure what to do about that.

3. Um, see what I mean? TOtally unfocused. Forgot it already...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Sunday Times with the Lumberjack

Lumberjacks are everywhere, it's not just me.

I know, you want me to embed the video, not just link to it. But YouTube is giving me a hard time (maybe because I once worked for Viacom?).

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Daily Scope

Daily extended (by Astrology.com)
Wherever you go today, you will be able to effortlessly put your special mark on things. All you have to do is speak your mind in your usual clever way, and don't let yourself get intimidated by anyone. This is a great time for you, because you are full of unique ideas and a fierce charm that could bring a marble statue to life! The role of entertainer is becoming more and more comfortable to you, and you should explore ways to spend a little more time in the spotlight. People want more of you.

Well, this works. I spent the day in meetings at the paper, where I charmingly convinced people to change their workflow to dovetail with my larger goals for my projects and content development. And I was magnificent.

Weekly romance (by Astrology.com)
You're on a self-improvement kick this week. Monday and Tuesday you're focused on your body -- a new yoga class, a new cardio routine, something like that. Wednesday and Thursday you're focused on a relationship -- most likely a romantic one, although if you're not with anyone right now it could be a friend or ally. In any case, this relationship needs a fresh jolt. Do something brave together. Friday and Saturday have nothing to do with romance, although dinner in an unusual spot (a great date idea) figures on Sunday.

Again, pretty on-target. I started rock-climbing on Tuesday, and tonight I meet with the personal trainer. Focused on a relationship? Hah, That's pretty much been my week. Crying report: none yesterday, and I actually slept last night. Crying started again today, and also, unfortunately, the dead hope tried to resurrect itself. That's a bad idea; it's better off dead.

Fortunately, a new flirtation just presented himself; cute, sweet, smart, interesting, and taller than either the Lumberjack or the Cap'n. Unfortunately, I mentioned the Cap'n to a mutual acquaintance, and he immediately guessed his real identity. I'd love to know how he knew that (has he talked to the Cap'n? Had I tipped my cards some other way?), but it's not possible to simultaneously deny and delve in a situation like that.

Monday, March 19, 2007

but on the plus side...

(I keep thinking of really clever titles, but then as soon as I set down to type up a post -- whoosh, they're gone, and you're left with cliches...)

As I was saying, the good side of heartbreak keeps showing up:
1. Feeling something is good.
2. Although it would seem to be too soon for the nausea to be having any effect, my pants are way looser this morning.
3. Started working on a long-dormant screenplay again today, and also have a book idea to work on with my intern. We are going to be such a cute, charming and telegenic pair that everyone will want us on their talk shows. And you know that talk-show circuit = Green room hanging = meeting cute with My Husband backstage.
4. I feel gorgeous. And it's not just me who thinks so -- I've been complimented on both my hair and my teeth today, by two people. And the teeth got lots of attention yesterday too! Heartbreak is the latest whitening advance; someone tell Crest!

To stick with the theme, I was At the Good Pain for lunch today.

Tears of a Clown

Woke up nauseated. And hot-faced.
Cried in the shower again. Hoping I won't do that at work.
For now, the interns are taking care of me, giving me pep talks and letting me figuratively cry on their shouldners over IM.

But as miserable as I am, it's good to know that I still have a heart to break. I've had my share of crushes over the years, but I can't remember the last time I acutally cried over losing a guy. In a strange way, it feels good to be hurting like this.

Libertine

There has been a liberation. Free at last and all that jazz.

No, I don't really feel that good about it yet. The parts of today when I wasn't actually in tears, I wanted to be, but put on the brave face to be polite (in drunken company). Thank God for Eighties Dave, who perfectly called at just the right moment for me to cry on his shoulder. And that's fine; I need to cry more anyhow. Also spread the wealth among the many fine sturdy shoulders available to me, not lean on Von quite so much.

Things have changed, finally, in the PN firmament. Shaken up. Even Catmandoo isn't mooning around all lovesick and predictable anymore. Time has come for me to fall into step with the Revolution. I'm going to cast my attentions on someone who deserves them, like maybe the Captain. After all, if that Tarot card reading is going to come true, I need to be a good girl between now and August. Less aspiration, more appreciation.

Funny, before I started writing, I thought I had wittier, pithier things to say. So much for a 4 a.m. miracle; maybe I'll try again in daylight.

And yes, I know that's not what "libertine" means; call it poetic license.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine never sent


I'm a jam tart, I'm a bargain basement,
I'm a work of art, I'm a magic casement,
A coal cellar, an umbrella, a sewing machine,
A radio, a hymn book, an old french bean,
I don't know what I am,
You've put a spell on me.

I'm a dog's nose, I'm Sir Humphrey Davy,
I'm a Christmas rose, I'm the British Navy,
A motor, a bloater, a charcoal grill,
An octopus, a towpath, Hindenburg's will,
A villiage fair, a maiden's prayer, the BBC, a pram –
I don't know what I am,
You've put a spell on me.

I'm a salmon, I'm a starting pistol,
I'm backgammon, I'm the Port of Bristol.
A Times leader, a child's feeder, an aspirin,
The Ritz Hotel, a boy scout, the wages of sin,
A shaving brush, a schoolgirl's crush, the letter B, a ham –
I don't know what I am,
You've put a spell on me.

I'm an off–break, I'm a clump of beeches,
I'm a tummy ache, I'm Mussolini's speeches,
I'm Balmoral, I'm a sorrel mare, I'm a tug
A cigarette, an organ, a big bed–bug
A traffic sign, a rubber mine, a coffee tree, O damn –
I don't know what I am,
You've put a spell on me.

-- W.H. Auden

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Vital Signs

I had dinner and musical entertainment in Lowell last night. Today the Globe did a big splashy feature on how hip and fabulous it is.

Maybe I'll spend more time up there, or maybe familiarity will breed contempt. I am so hard to please, aren't I? But I'm still in love with the house, so that's one thing in the plus column.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Bored bored bored

Geez my life has gotten so boring up here in responsible adult-land. The deal with the lumberjack fizzled out -- well, maybe not, but I'm refusing to continue to put in effort just for the sake of drama. (he's doing this stupid possiveness without commitment thing that I find nauseating.) And when have I ever opted AGAINST drama? I met this other guy, total yawn, works in pharmeceuticals! I am a domestic goddess, which is inherently too stable to be exciting. And I'm paying off my credit cards, always a sign of infinite boredom.

Thankfully, no one is sick or dying, unlike last year at this time. Life is good, and safe, and stable, and prosperous -- but no drama, no circus sex, no 17-hour benders or last-minute trips to foreign lands. I can't become a groupie for a punk band, because there are no good punk bands left, and they're closing CBGBs. Last time I was there was on said 17-hour bender, ordering water and underwear, right before I passed out in Nomda's hotel room. (Funny, the first time I was there, I showed my lace underwear to Mindless Self Indulgence, and to Nicfit and the biker, who were with me the last time too. What is it about them, me, CBs and underwear?)

Also, no one is racy up here, I can't even *imagine* having sex on a fire escape (also, I don't have a fire escape...) No one even swears. It is so... Bostonian. Don't get me wrong, I am very very happy, so glad I moved back, hardly miss New York at all -- except for the adventure (and my friends, of course, but we've been doing pretty good with the visits so far). I want circus sex, I want all-night raging benders, I want wild parties!

I don't want to grow up.

No, that's not true. I want to grow up, but I want a partner in crime that will let me be devious and bad on the side. If not on a fire escape or in a taxi cab, then at least on the kitchen floor.