Radio Free Maggie

These song lyrics used to make me weep every time I heard them:

Cath, she stands with a well intentioned-man
But she can’t relax with his hand on the small of her back
And as the flashbulbs burst she holds a smile
Like someone would hold a crying child

And soon everybody will ask what became of you
When your heart was dying fast and you didn’t know what to do

Cath, it seems that you live in someone else’s dream
In a hand-me-down wedding dress with the things that could've been all repressed
But you said your vows and you closed the door
On so many men who would’ve loved you more

And soon everybody will ask what became of you
When your heart was dying fast and you didn’t know what to do
The whispers that it won’t last roll up and down the pews
But if their hearts were dying that fast they’d have done the same as you
And I’ve done the same as you

But I heard it recently on the radio, and not a single tear. I was actually able to enjoy the song!

It made me realize just how miserable I was when I was dating B. I was so terrified that the above would be my fate -- to marry someone I didn't love enough, just because it was expected and I thought I didn't have any better options. And now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

Can PTSD be a good thing? I'm definitely having weird feelings and reactions as I sort out what had been happening, but I don't think they are bad reactions or feelings. It's sort of like being Rolfed, or untying a big tangled knot.

So for any of you beloved folks who have wanted to hate him on my behalf, please don't. He did me a huge favor, and got me out of a bad situation that I refused to leave on my own. (Though I love you dearly for having my back, of course!)

Raptors on Hoverboards

Oh, yeah, that's my hometown, baybee. I don't get the reference, but it just seems to make sense anyway.

I know a lot of you have been worried about me because there's been radio silence on this here board for several weeks. And I won't lie to you, it's been a shitty time. My ex turned out to be a Jekyll and Hyde asshole, who had been lying to me for the better part of 2008. And G doesn't exactly want to marry me quite as much as I do him. Happy Holidays, indeed.

But in rough times, your true friends are there for you, being awesome. And I have to say, I've been blessed with some very very supportive folks who have taken excellent care of me -- lending an ear as I go on and on, taking me out to entertain and distract me, giving me a port in the storm to escape to, or just rocking out. Big hugs and love to Jay, Trilby, Lynn, Tussy, Andrew, Jane, Denise, Josh, Jess, Jonathan, Margaret, Michael, Jason, Kendra, Ellie, Rodger, Isabel, Amanda, Brian, Ian, Zanne, Ron, Carlos, Pierrette, David, Simona, and my folks. I don't know how I would have kept my head above water without you all. But I do know that would never even be something to worry about, because I'll always have you close to my heart.

I'm off to New Haven this week, to ring in a well-deserved new year with old friends, in fine fashion and with many bubbles. I wish you all the best, and I look forward to catching up more soon.

I'm coming Uppance

Check it out! All the assholes are getting their come-uppances today! (from BANG! because you know I love it.)

Eddie Murphy and his new 'wife' Tracey Edmonds have split.
The comic actor and film producer - who exchanged vows on a French Polynesian private island off the coast of Bora Bora on New Year's Day (01.01.08) - have decided not to go ahead with a US ceremony to make their marriage legally binding.
Eddie, 46, and Tracey, 40, said in a statement: "After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further.
“While the recent symbolic union in Bora Bora was representative of our deep love, friendship and respect that we have for one another on a spiritual level, we have decided to remain friends."
The couple’s union reportedly got off to a rocky start following their romantic beach ceremony, which was conducted at sunset in front of 25 friends and family.
A wedding guest said: "Eddie started yelling at Tracey in front of people. He did it on a few occasions and it was very embarrassing."
The pair are still officially single under the eyes of Polynesian law, which dictates newlyweds must live there for a month to make their marriage legally binding.
Eddie and Tracey began dating in late 2006 and were engaged in July 2007.
Eddie has five children from his marriage to Nicole Mitchell Murphy, who filed for divorce in 2005. He also has a daughter, Angel Iris, with Spice Girl Mel B.
Tracey has two sons from her 13-year marriage to singer Kenneth 'Babyface' Edmonds.

I particularly like the sarcastic quotes around "wife".

Seriously, I'm so glad Tracey seems to have come to her senses. While all marriages have their own secrets and problems, of course, Babyface strikes me as a pretty good guy, definitely not the type to abandon his baby mama live on Dutch TV. It must have been hard for Tracey to wake up next to a self-absorbed, megalomaniac, trannie-riding asshole (who makes shit movies and worse music) after more than a decade with a sweet and cute musical genius.

And in other asshole news, Ike Turner apparently died of a cocaine overdose.

Music fan gets Popped; and Winchester's not that bad...

As Boston.com put it, "Shoving match disrupts opening night of Boston Pops." Apparently someone doesn't take too kindly to being asked to keep it down. Reminds me of that time I went to a movie, and the woman in the seat in front of me sat on the back of her chair, instead of the seat, just to push it down onto my knees! Why? Because the guy sitting next to me had asked her to keep it down...

Anyway, it was the Pop-Ed feature today, and the comments on the message board are hysterical (if you ignore the assholes like bakala_2000). This might be my fave, if unfair, post:

Cynthia and moi witnessed the whole shameful event. It all started when the heathen sitting in the less than desirable seat in the balcony, must have been a Yale man, accidentally spilled his glass of Dom Perignon onto the blazer of the gentleman sitting next to him. He said, "Excuse me sir", to which the gentleman with the wet blazer replied, "Sir! I demand satisfaction!" He then stood up and scolded him severely! Well, Cynthia almost fainted at the sight of such roughhewns and I summoned the chauffer and we were whisked back to Winchester. I must say it will be some time before we dare to go back to the Pops again!

Seriously -- we're not all like that in Winchester.

Of the men who undressed me in my foyer this weekend...

...one then went for the bed, the other for the couch; one left too soon, the other I couldn't get rid of fast enough; and one was only there at all because the other one wasn't.

The Bachelor and I had a lovely time on Friday night. And more on Saturday. He was sweet and charming and funny and attentive and ... ohmygod so good. I know I've talked about circus sex in the past, but that was just adventure. This was so far beyond, good thing the neighbors were out of town for the holiday weekend. No tricks or bells and whistles or feats of exhibitionism either, just enthusiasm and a talent, and a big payoff for my patience.

Alas, the Bachelor has a built-in expiration, and the alarm usually goes off after about a dozen hours or so. As I'd used up my quota for the week, he wasn't available to enjoy he fruits of my bender on Sunday. Which leads us directly to the door of...

The Biker, also known as "Chew-your-arm-off-and-leave-it-behind-in-Harlem-if-you-have-to-but-get-out-at-all-costs Guy." Why on earth would I hook up with him again? I was drunk, he's a good kisser with a hard body (biker as in cyclist, not Harley), and the Bachelor didn't answer my messages.

That said, there are a few lessons to be learned here.

-- If you have to keep score ("I went down on you in the bar; now it's your turn"), then you've already lost.

-- If you push down on the top of my head even once, it will be the last time you will be in a position to do so. This is not a porn flick, I am not a prostitute, and you need to show some respect and appreciation.

-- As I am non-confrontational to a fault, I probably won't actually kick you out -- unless you've gotten physically violent. But if I don't offer you a shower, a toothbrush (I keep a stash of spares, courtesy of my dentist), or breakfast, consider yourself unwelcome.

Also, "You're so macho" is not a compliment, Don Juan.

Nicfit, if you're reading this, please stop me from ever making that mistake again. Three strikes is enough.