Copy-editor humor

Really, who couldn't use a good cocktail about now?

More humor dear to my former-English-teaching heart:
The Fall of the Iron(y) Curtain

Radio Free Maggie

These song lyrics used to make me weep every time I heard them:

Cath, she stands with a well intentioned-man
But she can’t relax with his hand on the small of her back
And as the flashbulbs burst she holds a smile
Like someone would hold a crying child

And soon everybody will ask what became of you
When your heart was dying fast and you didn’t know what to do

Cath, it seems that you live in someone else’s dream
In a hand-me-down wedding dress with the things that could've been all repressed
But you said your vows and you closed the door
On so many men who would’ve loved you more

And soon everybody will ask what became of you
When your heart was dying fast and you didn’t know what to do
The whispers that it won’t last roll up and down the pews
But if their hearts were dying that fast they’d have done the same as you
And I’ve done the same as you

But I heard it recently on the radio, and not a single tear. I was actually able to enjoy the song!

It made me realize just how miserable I was when I was dating B. I was so terrified that the above would be my fate -- to marry someone I didn't love enough, just because it was expected and I thought I didn't have any better options. And now I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest.

Can PTSD be a good thing? I'm definitely having weird feelings and reactions as I sort out what had been happening, but I don't think they are bad reactions or feelings. It's sort of like being Rolfed, or untying a big tangled knot.

So for any of you beloved folks who have wanted to hate him on my behalf, please don't. He did me a huge favor, and got me out of a bad situation that I refused to leave on my own. (Though I love you dearly for having my back, of course!)

The Moldy Peaches, Atlantis Resort, Juno, and the greatest show of our time

What do these things have in common? Adam Green is the best he can be! More specifically:
"...they made it even better than we did. I just knew on Gossip Girl I could probably be even better than I am in real life, you know?"
Strangely, this version is less annoying than Ellen Page's rendition....

swoon

I needed that today. First day back in the office after enforced bedrest...

Patience, little grasshopper

Scorpio (10/23-11/21)

Things are going well for you now, but they might not be moving forward fast enough. Your impatience is starting to get you feeling antsy, and even a little bit worried. The temptation is there to push things along a little bit faster -- but that's not the right thing to do right now. Just keep doing what you're doing. Trust that things will take care of themselves. Everything is moving at the right speed, and you are right where you need to be. Believe it, and relax.

Going to an art opening tonight with George. Deep breaths, stay the course, believe.

Lively cleavage just for Avitable

And I'm not even starting on how awesome CHUCK BASS is.

Shades of Bridget Jones

On Saturday, I felt a bit like dear Bridget when the neighborhood women and I gathered to ooh and ahh over the newest baby on the street. Cameron's mom got married in her late 30s after a marathon of internet dating, and then needed fertility intervention to have her two kids. The other women, moms all, got married very young and had less than no trouble getting pregnant (more like trouble preventing their pregnancies).

The Young Moms swooned over the baby. Then they started joking about how their ovaries hurt, and speculating on the baby boom that Cameron's arrival would trigger in the neighborhood. Because, you see, everyone can have babies, right? Why, certainly, no one in that very room has had trouble getting pregnant, right? Definitely not half the women in the room at that very moment, RIGHT?!?!

On the verge of tears, I got up to leave. Cameron's mom saw the look on my face and quickly tried to change the subject to something more encouraging and less... insensitive.

"Maggie, I meant to tell you! Remember my friend Camille, the one who had her son by insemination? She's engaged!"

Apparently this friend of hers, who had a child on her own three years ago when she was 39, has been swept up in a whirlwind romance with a 35-year-old she met through work. He loves her, he loves her son, the son is already calling him "Dad," and they're getting married in May.

At which point the traditionally more cluelessly insulting (truly, I don't think she means to be hurtful, I think she's just an idiot) Young Mom chimed in:
"Ooh, it's like some urban myth from Sex and the City; you always hear about women who get married in their 30s but you know they don't really exist. But now you actually know one, so maybe there is hope after all!"

I left. Cam's mom left with me, and let me have a good cry on the sidewalk before I went home. Seriously, it's like a scene from Bridget Jones, where the Smug Marrieds treat us like a different species or something.

Maybe I need more "Sex and the City" after all, and less Bridget. Certainly New York Magazine thinks this is a fine time for Singletons in New York.

Hmm, and George wants to see a movie tonight, how interesting....

(Also, the Captain checked in on me last night, but that has nothing whatsoever to do with marriage and babies, in any order.)

How the city hurts your brain - Boston.com

Plant yourself a window box, or better yet, take a walk.

At least he's getting paid

I can't believe Eliot Spitzer is writing for Slate, and that's not big news, somehow.

Say it ain't so, Gio

I refuse to believe that this piece of gossip about my beloved husband Giorgio is even vaguely true -- even if it did come from my beloved BANG! Showbiz gossip feed:

Paris Hilton is reportedly dating George Clooney.
The socialite fueled speculation of a romance after recently enjoying an “intimate” evening with the ‘Burn After Reading’ star at the Whiskey Bar at the Sunset Marquis hotel in Hollywood, according to Life and Style Weekly magazine.
A source said: “Paris and George sat and talked together for ages. They didn’t seem to be aware of anyone else in the room.”
The following evening, Paris, 27, was seen sitting beside 47-year-old George at a dinner at a Hollywood restaurant, with other guests including director Ridley Scott and Brittany Flickinger, winner of ‘Paris Hilton’s My New BFF’ show.

Raptors on Hoverboards

Oh, yeah, that's my hometown, baybee. I don't get the reference, but it just seems to make sense anyway.

I know a lot of you have been worried about me because there's been radio silence on this here board for several weeks. And I won't lie to you, it's been a shitty time. My ex turned out to be a Jekyll and Hyde asshole, who had been lying to me for the better part of 2008. And G doesn't exactly want to marry me quite as much as I do him. Happy Holidays, indeed.

But in rough times, your true friends are there for you, being awesome. And I have to say, I've been blessed with some very very supportive folks who have taken excellent care of me -- lending an ear as I go on and on, taking me out to entertain and distract me, giving me a port in the storm to escape to, or just rocking out. Big hugs and love to Jay, Trilby, Lynn, Tussy, Andrew, Jane, Denise, Josh, Jess, Jonathan, Margaret, Michael, Jason, Kendra, Ellie, Rodger, Isabel, Amanda, Brian, Ian, Zanne, Ron, Carlos, Pierrette, David, Simona, and my folks. I don't know how I would have kept my head above water without you all. But I do know that would never even be something to worry about, because I'll always have you close to my heart.

I'm off to New Haven this week, to ring in a well-deserved new year with old friends, in fine fashion and with many bubbles. I wish you all the best, and I look forward to catching up more soon.

Finally, a reason to watch the Macy's parade

I've never been a big fan of parades, and the Macy's T-Day parade in general is just one big traffic snarl. But this might forever redeem it for me.



And Oh My God I love that guy! I wish more people and his sense of humor, and took themselves less seriously. Also, so cute! Aging so well!

My latest internet crush

I love Aberjona's blog, even if often I don't understand it (what is for this Tumblr?). A few of my fave posts of his recently:

On the benefits of siblings
On how I usually feel in relationships, including the last one, and possibly also the current one
On the awesomeness of Bjork, and also Spike Jonze
On the universal truth
On a hard lesson learned
On the new world order
On the hotness of Olivia Wilde
On how I know I should live my life, and wish I did, and try to do
On rendering me speechless in jaw-dropped awe
On my old pal Zeke
On disturbing poultry
On the Loonie Bin!

I'm trying to remember if I found him this incredibly charming and clever, and by extension hot, when we were in high school together.

quantum of silence

I kind of really want to fill you all in on what's happening, but I promised to keep it to myself until Thanksgiving. And since blogging publicly would be the antithesis of keeping my word, I'm trying to stay on the high road.

I can tell you this. Tuesday was a momentous, historic day. I'm still walking on air over how well the election went (aside from Prop 8 in Cali, of course). Tuesday was also my 38th birthday, and the morning was one solid outpouring of well-wishing and love. It was amazing, really.

In the evening, however, a few disappointments marred the memory. First, someone who I've always tried to treat with respect, fairness and consideration lashed out at me with complete disregard, selfishness, disdain and disrespect. Rationally, I know that he's just trying get a reaction from me. But I expected better, and I'm disappointed and sad at his behavior.

Much later, when the full force of what happened earlier struck me and I didn't really want to be alone, I called a couple of friends who I figured would still be awake, told them something bad had happened and asked if I could stop by. They both said no. On my birthday, when I was hurting. I don't like to have to beg for attention, but I think I need to be more clear about when I need help, instead of pridefully acting like everything is fine.

So now I'm telling you all. I will be fine, in general all is well and the future looks good. But right now, no, I am not fine. I'm let down, and sad for lost hope and faith, right in the middle of this beautiful rosy time when I should be exuberant. So please take it under advisement.

And I promise to fill you in with the details when I can, once it's acceptable to do so.

I want to go to India. Reason #473

Lucknow Edible Silver Foil:

"In one sharp movement, firmly slap the paper on the leg of lamb like a pirate patting the landlord's daughter's backside in a Maracaibo tavern. Don't worry about the telephone book page, it has probably already infused the silver with a balanced blend of the metals from the bottom of the Periodic Table.

Not all boys are evil

Of course, you knew that. I'm just being a little inflammatory for fun.

Last night, George and I went to the WFNX Heaven or Hell/1988 Prom/Halloween party at the Harp. Total blast, of course. But we're old, so eventually we had to take a break from dancing and sit down.

Separated in the crowd, I sat at a table in the corner and waited for him to find me. From there I could see him come into the back room, look around, not see me ... and then start talking to a young, cute, petite blonde. Officially I'm "not the jealous type" (at least that's what it says on my driver's license), so I watched for a few minutes, but then I got tired of waiting for him and walked over.

As soon as I approached, his face lit up and he put his arm around me as he introduced me to the promo girl handing out leather-bound thumbdrives. They were pretty big and clunky, and the 500 MGs wasn't nearly enough space to make it worth carrying one around. But he'd felt bad because no one would stop for her pitch at a party where everyone wanted Bacardi light-up devil horns.

I know there's been radio silence for a while. And you may have questions about the cast of characters. I'm sorry about that. But I'm trying to keep mum for another month or so, just until things sort themselves out. Until then, just rest assured that everything is fine (if incredibly busy), and that I'm very happy.

How's tricks?

Lately, when I say this (usually over IM) to folks, I'm met with confusion or bemusement. I was beginning to think that this is another one of my quaint regionalisms. But apparently it's just a bit rare and archaic:

From the "Hello, Howdy, Hi" section of Listening to America by Stuart Berg Flexner (Simon and Schuster, New York, 1982): "Hello, Howdy, Hi, or words to that effect are used by most of us several times a day.Surprisingly enough, 'hello' didn't become a truly common greeting until the mid 1860s. It comes from 'holla!,' 'stop!' (French 'ho! + la, there), used to attract attention, hail a coach, ferry, etc. 'Hi' is just a variant of 'hey!'; it had been used as a shout to attract attention for over 500 years before we began using it as a greeting in the 1880s. 'What's up?' dates from the 1880s, too.'What do you know?' 'What do you say?' ('whata-ya know,' whata-ya say') and 'How's tricks?' date from the mid 1920s."

I'm suddenly feeling very inspired...

xkcd's Numerical Sex Positions

That satchel full of dynamite?

I didn't expect its detonation to involve projectile vomiting.
But now I know that's an actual descriptive term, not just hyperbole.

When you drank enough to send the very best

... and drunk dialing isn't good enough, Google introduces Mail Goggles.

Dude, I wish the Cokehead Alcoholic had had some kind of filter like this...