It's all true. Where is the justice?

I'm a bit jumpy today.

Toasty

I was given a toaster for Christmas. A bright and lovely thing with Toast Logic™ technology. I'm really eager to start making me some toast.

Our favorite Cocktail Nation artiste is expanding his horizons.

Wu are you?

Use it wisely, soldier.

the graduate

I've been offered an advanced degree. No, not an honorary degree from the alma mater; this is wa-a-ay better:

U N I V E R S I T Y D I P L O M A S
Obtain a prosperous future, money earning (sic) power,
and the admiration of all.
Diplomas from prestigious non-accredited universities based on your present knowledge and life experience. No required tests, classes, books, or interviews.

See, if I'd known it was only going to earn me the admiration of some, I wouldn't have wasted all that time and money on a degree from an accredited university.