Weapons of egg destruction

So, folks are, understandably, a bit concerned about my plans to go off and get pregnant half-cocked (pardon the pun, it wasn't even mine!). They remind me that random sperm can have legal consequences down the road, and I should tread cautiously.

Well, according to Slate, I'd have better chances of a successful non-traditonal parenthood if I were a lesbian. And it's not the first time that's seemed liek the solution to all my problems, either, alas!

Pachelbel in hell

All pop music is the same, and a cello will never make you cool (though playing guitar is no guarantee either).

Who you calling "Ho ho ho"? (and stop stuttering)

Merry Christmas, my babies!

First Christmas in the new house was pretty easy, since my guests did all the cooking and cleaning, and all I did was decorate and serve drinks! But man, does this house look good with its halls decked.

Spent much of Christmas Eve teary-eyed, because I was trying to decide if I should marry the hippy and let him make me happy and secure, or if I should hold out for true love. Having run away from, or otherwise sabotaged, every chance at true love I've ever had, I maybe should not be trusted to make this decision for myself (though yes, Manda, I'm still heeding your advice and not dating by committee, so have no fear that I'll be putting up another Pick Maggie's Husband website!). Also, to be honest, hearing that Will rescinded his aversion to tradition and actually made it legal probably increased the sense of urgency for me. But the Mystical Smoking Head of Bob thinks that L will give me another chance, and I should try for real. Now I just need to figure out how to do that.

And for those of you keeping track, I finally paid my electric bill, and signed my Brooklyn renewal lease. Painless, in the end, and nice to start 2007 with a clean slate.

Gifted

Gave out gifts to the PubNight folks last night. It was fun. Von loved her dress, and Catmandoo was engrossed in the book on Banksy, who he had surprisingly never heard of. Y got nothing, which is actually an improvement over the coal he deserved for trying to sabotage the Holiday PN.

Lumberjack seemed pretty happy with the sweater, even though it wasn't the kind I really wanted to get him. Maybe I'll knit one for next year, as long as I finish the rest of the knitting queue first.

Monkey, monkey, fritos!

The results of the Code Monkey Remix Contest are in, and they are fabulous!

Because, of course, everything's better with monkeys.

Oldplay

SpinozaNY sent me this deeply touching video yesterday, as he remembered his mom on her birthday. I'll let him tell you about it:

A choral group of very senior citizens, called Young@Heart, sing pop songs. When a very heavy man, on an oxygen tank, sings with a backup group about how you can't go back, and you can't replace what you lost, it completely changes the meaning of Coldplay's "Fix You."

Women Unafraid of Condo Commitment

At least there's one kind of Commitment I don't run screaming from. Though considering how long I waited, and how much I feared getting a bad deal, I'm kind of a guy, too.

Shades of Bull Durham

Looks like Don Carman took some advice from Crash Davis, and prepped himself with some advance work.

Crash Davis: It's time to work on your interviews.
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: My interviews? What do I gotta do?
Crash Davis: You're gonna have to learn your clichés. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. Write this down: "We gotta play it one day at a time."
Ebby Calvin LaLoosh: Got to play... it's pretty boring.
Crash Davis: 'Course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down.

Now I'd say that was my favorite scene, but who are we kidding? They're all my favorite scene.
Sigh, remember when Kostner was good?

Carman and Crash had something else in common, too. They respected the game and the fans.

Speaking of evil overlords...

The GFY girls are going a little googly over flight attendants.

Did I say overlords?...

...I meant protectors.

Jonathan Coulton posted a fabulous new video yesterday, so I ended up sending my Christmas e-cards early this year. When you check it out, don't forget to scroll down past the adorable Code Monkey to see the video.

Giving thanks for hypocrisy

There used to be 23 comments on the last post, which I've since deleted. For those of you unfamiliar with the players, a brief history:

Epenthesis is my friend Mike's blog. You may have seen him commenting on here once or twice, or met him at a party or PubNight. He's been being harassed in his comments for some time now by this ass who calls himself "Grossman." Recently Grossman has stepped up the harassment by insulting Mike's dead father.

I understand that those of us who blog are taking ourselves out of the private sphere, and by making our words public, we open ourselves up to attacks. However, there are millions of bloggers -- we're not that influential, and if you don't like what one of us says, there are plenty of others to choose from. So I don't understand why anyone would continue a campaign of harassment against someone they only know online.

And to do so under a shield of anonymity is just cowardly. When I post somewhere as Maggie, I always link back to this blog, so even if someone doesn't know who I am, at least they can have some context, and a place where they can respond to me. Grossman gives no such courtesy. He hides behind an unlinked username, since he can dish it out, but he can't take it.

A few days ago, when Mike was forced to step up his measures to block Grossman, I once again observed how pathetic G's behavior is. So he decided to target me as well. But I found it almost funny. After about a dozen comments, you'd think he'd have gotten as bored with his pathetic inanity as the rest of us were by then, but it was clear that he enjoyed listening to himself. So he continued, bragging about his ignorance and using nasty slurs, presumably because he thought it made him look like a big man (though he actually looked about 8 years old). We were all impressed at how he insulted himself every time he wrote something -- he did our work for us. The irony was comical: He harassed countless folks he doesn't even know, and never apologized to anyone for his behavior, all the while vociferously proclaming that we reap what we sow (so I wonder what kind of retribution he'll be getting). Truly, it was almost performance art.

Anyway, I post now to speak out against the assholes, but I'm not too comfortable giving them any kind of forum, so I deleted all the comments. If you ever see Grossman lurking around here, though, feel free to give him shit.

Scope of things to come

Today's Yahoo horoscope for Scorpio:

You'd rather be the power behind the throne, but the stars say your very special brand of magnetism needs to be front and center. So get in the limelight. You might find you have a knack for it!

Sounds like that's been the theme of late, reader-supported no less. So fine, I'll let the limes shine their light on me; it shouldn't take too long to get used to.

And I have a date tonight, but don't worry, I'm not going to bore you with the tedious details. Unless there's some public sex acts to relate, but this is Boston, who are we kidding?

I need a Shag

In my continued development as an art collector, I was going to buy this: reclining Italianesque hottie with a MONKEY, but it's alreayd been sold. Anyone know where I can get an art print, or how I could shamelessly manipulate this image to make it worth printing out for framing and display?

It's like they wrote it just for me

Get Fuzzy

Somervillionaires Rule!

I live in the best town ever, we are so cool. Check out what some of you might be getting for Christmas.

and I feel fine

God I still love R.E.M..

I need to find a barber in Natick

Quote from the staff meeting I just barely stayed awake for. DOn't know why that made me giggle so much.

What women want

My horoscope for today:

Now is a great time for you to get what you want out of life, whether it's a new sweetie, a better gig or just some peace and quiet for the day. You're filled with raw power and can use it however you want.

So what do I want? I have no idea. Yesterday I wanted a new job; today things are going more smoothly and my boss loves me. Monday A. joined me out for a birthday dinner, and it reminded me how much I still adore him and how he makes me laugh (despite his fixation with undergrads, but really, who am I to talk?); today I want to ask the Lumberjack to go furniture shopping with me. In North Carolina. Last week I was working on adding a shelf to my bedroom closet; this morning I seriously thought about switching to the downstairs bedroom.

Honestly, I never know what's best for me, and I think too much. I wish I could flop through life and let the cards fall as they will.

Ooh! In the spirit of post-election-day fabulousness (Democrats everywhere, no alcohol in the 7-11, yay gay marriage!, bye-bye Rumsfeld), and recalling the famous "Pick Maggie's Husband" vote of 1999 (I should really dredge up that website and archive it somewhere), let's have a ballot referendum. (yes, Auntie Amanda told me to stop dating by committee, and she had a point, but this is fun!)

Q1: Should I stay in the upstairs bedroom, or move downstairs?

Upstairs advantages -- upstairs, away from the rest of the house; large closet; bed's already up there.
Up disadvantages -- hot and stuffy; shares a wall with the upstairs apartment, I can hear them, and they can hear me (or they will if ever I get some play); no space for a double-wide dresser.
Downstairs advantages -- larger; closer to the bathroom; good feng shui; fits a wide dresser; upstairs kids won't hear me having sex over their Cheerios; I could use my old fabulous box spring.
Down disadvantages -- small closet; close to the rest of the house; I already bought a new split box spring for the upstairs bedroom.

Q2: Should I stick with it at the Paper of Record, or try to move to NPR?

Exposure and power versus intellectual cred and a sense of superiority. Also, do I want to be famous?

Q3: Wherever I stay, should I be trying for a byline or an on-air feature?

Would you want to hear my voice over your radio every afternoon, or maybe once a weekend like Ira Glass?

Q4: Does A get another chance, the next time he's free?

He is a serial monogamist, after all, you know he'll be looking for a new girlfriend five minutes after he breaks up with this one.

Okay, go! Vote early and often!

Britney Spears loses weight

Best news I've heard in weeks: Britney Spears files for divorce in LA. Ditch that freeloading baggage, baybee!

Malibu Barbie

How unhappy must I be with my dried-out post-beach hair, if I'm really liking how Courtney Love's is looking?

But you know, I can't help but love the girl. She's a mess, but she must be doing something right, considering how well Frances Bean is turning out. And the music continues to rock, Malibu is still one of my favorite albums. I might even read her new book.

As for fashion choices, I also prefer her messy to glam; she wasn't fooling anyone in that couture. And this is the best I've seen her skin, hair, nose and eyes in... ever. Maybe the Fug Girls are right, and the glasses make all the difference.