Vital Signs

I had dinner and musical entertainment in Lowell last night. Today the Globe did a big splashy feature on how hip and fabulous it is.

Maybe I'll spend more time up there, or maybe familiarity will breed contempt. I am so hard to please, aren't I? But I'm still in love with the house, so that's one thing in the plus column.

Grab your dick and double-click

Or, why Maggie can't get a date...

thisguy: i havent played D&D since middle school
thisguy: but i got hooked on WoW a little over a year ago
maggieb: I played D&D once
maggieb: in junior high
thisguy: you know what WoW is?
maggieb: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWEjvCRPrCo
thisguy: ...
thisguy: whats your deal exactly?
thisguy: do you have to know everything?

Please ignore, for the moment, that familiarity with a silly little YouTube video does not equate with knowing everything. This guy has been trying to get a date with me for over a week now. I am totally not interested, but was trying to be nice, maybe give him a chance. Want to know a great way to piss off a smart chick? Be annoyed that she's smart. I was only trying to entertain him with that link, and he got all defensive. But I took the high ground, and kept talking:

maggieb: no, I do not know everything
maggieb: but yes, I like to be as aware and informed as possible
maggieb: as I am an entertainment journalist
thisguy: mm hmm
maggieb: what, do you find it obnoxious that I need to know everything?
thisguy: no, not at all
thisguy: impressive and somewhat intimidating perhaps
maggieb: intimidating, great
maggieb: well, then I won't tell you about my most brilliant idea I had at work today, that will transform Boston as we know it.

And I didn't. And now he'll never get to fulfill his 20-year-old dream to date the prom queen. The last thing any accomplished, independent professional woman wants hanging around is a Berger.

(By the way, my new idea for work is absolutely brilliant, but also totally top secret. And it might take like a year or more to implement, so don't hold your breath. But I promise I'll tell you about it as soon as I can.)

(Oh, wait, no I can't, because then you'd know where I work...)

Joe Mathlete is my new hero

I'm getting me some art.

Underpants Manifesto

Gentlemen, your groins will thank you.

Ninjas, aging, and family chitchat

IMing with my cousin today:

maggieb: nice talking to you, however briefly, last night
maggieb: So what was that character's name?
DCP: Usagi Yojimbo
maggieb: and who was he?
DCP: to be entirely correct, the character was the star of his own comic book series, and he only guest-starred with the ninja turtles every once in a while
DCP: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usagi_Yojimbo
maggieb: you are a font of knowledge
maggieb: love you
DCP: love ya too
DCP: font of useless geeky knowledge
DCP: I certainly hope this info helps you win a bet or something
maggieb: well, after my bowling pratfall last night
maggieb: I need to contribute something worthwhile to the team
maggieb: You know how I used to complain that I was old?
maggieb: now I actually am
maggieb: I have injured my hip in a BOWLING accident!

I have a good voice for TV and radio.

Well, at least that part is true.

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland   "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
Boston
Philadelphia
The Northeast
The West
The South
The Inland North
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

This is absolutely hysterical, because people are always shocked when I tell them I'm from Boston. "But you don't have a Boston accent!" (when I moved back home, a few New Yorkers said they could hear the change in my speech, but I think they were full of it.) Honestly, I can't even fake it; I've tried. And there are a few different Boston accents anyway, from Brahmin to Townie. I don't have either of those, but I do speak like everyone from my hometown, namely Upper Middle Class Suburban, with a touch of Snob.

Funny thing is, I talked this way even before I moved to said suburb when I was 10. When I was younger, in a Townie-talking area, I just didn't sound like the other kids. And in high school, I'd go to parties with my South Shore godsister, and her friends would ask where I was from, not able to believe that I was from the nearby North Shore. (not to say that how I talk is a North Shore accent; the next town over sounds Townie.)

I did a study on this for a college Linguistics course. My conclusion? Like everything else in Boston, how you speak is a factor of socioeconomic status, not geography.

DreamFug

As funny as the the Fug Girls are, and as gorgeous as Jennifer Hudson does look... why is no one ever mentioning that Mr. award-winner there is pulling a Stephen Bing act (in case you're wondering, it's the opposite of a class act) on Mel B. What, is he getting a pass on his boorish behavior?

Peculiar Aristocracy

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:

Grand Duchess Magdalena the Sonorous of Throcking in the Hole

Appearances can be appropriate

Funny how this looks a little like the bachelor, a man of similar temperament.

Another reason to give up younger men

And horses too, I guess.

"I treasure things like an aged balsamic..."

This kid Jake is 10 years old! I like truffles too, but thank God I'm not bringing my kids up in New York...

Spock's left hand

Stop shuddering; you know you're laughing too.

I love a Haiku

I’m considering
Giving up casual sex:
I hate the subway.

Fight the Idiocracy!

Slate says I need to have a baby right now!

Globe and Maggie have a Love/Hate Relationship with Street Art

Why, just a few days ago, I pontificated to the Lumberjack on why I hate graffiti and prefer street art, though I claimed that Pixnit isn't much of an artist either, more of a wallpaper designer:

So that article we were talking about at PN last week...

I hadn't noticed until he was commenting on the follow-up in his blog, but it was written by the guy who sits next to me in the office, an A&E producer who also does some music reviews and writes for the music blog. I find his writing kind of impenetrable, though I do admire his ambition and enormous work ethic -- he's even writing for Slate now on occasion.

Personally, I find the whole debate kind of pretentious. I think graffiti is almost never art, and the outlaw nature that defines it rarely gives it any additional cred in my estimation. The exception that proves the rule, of course, being Banksy, but his stuff makes a real commentary or satire on public space, using the location as part of the message, not just as a canvas.

The best of this, the stuff on the Israeli/Palestine barrier wall, puts this chick's random wallpaper stencils to shame. And other of his stuff works just fine in a gallery, and doesn't need any additional cred from being illegal and subversive.

Eh, I just get so tired of people with no talent giving themselves a false importance, and graffiti "artists" are some of the worst offenders.

I really want to write for Bostonist. Maybe I should add that to the resolutions list I still have to post for you all...

Happy Christmas Tree truck

This morning, I saw the Somerville Chirstmas tree truck -- a Sanitation pick-up full of discarded Christmas trees. It was a lovely sight, and now I find out that it's an environmentally friendly thing, too. I swear, I live in the coolest city!

But, as yesterday was a wierd time warp of a day, I never got around to taking down my tree, so no wit will have to wait another week for my next trash disposal day.

Fuckin' MEASLES!

Spent the day at the paper today. It was exhausting and torture, as usual.

When I got back to my office, the following message was in my inbox:

All employees should be aware that earlier today one of our employees at the [paper's] production department’s inserting facility (Mailroom) has been diagnosed with a case of measles, which is a highly contagious disease.

This employee was in the building today between the hours of 7:30am and 1:00pm, when he visited the Medical Dept to check out symptoms. The information that we currently have is that the employee entered the building and reported to the mailroom where he remained until he walked down to the medical dept at 1:00. The employee was taken to a local medical clinic where he was tested and diagnosed. The Globe was notified at approximately 4pm.

Measles is an airborne virus that remains infectious for up to 2 hours. The recommendation is for those exposed and born after 1957 consider getting the MMR (Measles, Mumps and Rubella) vaccine within 72 hours of exposure.

If you choose to be treated, please go to the most convenient place: the [paper's] medical department, your local clinic or your primary care provider.

The medical department is open and will have the vaccine available Friday at 9pm.

Please call the medical department at 617-xxx-xxxx with any questions or for further information.

The following is the link to the CDC’s site about measles. http://www.cdc.gov/nip/diseases/measles/default.htm

I just called them; the nurse from the CDC is already there with the vaccines, so I'm on my way over. But Jesus Christ, measles?! I had chicken pox when I was 23, and it was three weeks of hell. And I've been having enough itching problems of late.

So now you've been warned; measles is going around Boston.

More from the Reformation of a Product Whore

No fear, I'm not allergic to cashmere. Apparently, I'm not actually allergic to much, except for that beloved conditioner. But I might be reacting to items in combination, or I might just be irritated from too much crap.

And I'm not the only one. After the Wonder Twins mocked my plans for a great product giveaway, saying I should just keep everything and use it again when my skin calms down, Y found this article on The Cosmetics Restriction Diet, where dermatologists are asking their patients to do exactly what I've decided to do on my own.

Me and the Zeitgeist, baby! Also, please note that they featured Cetaphil, my new preferred cleanser.

PS: Funny story about the allergist. When the rash returned, I told him that the only item I'd reintroduced, per his one-new-thing-a-week instructions, was the Differin.

"What's that?" he asked.
"A retinoid, like Retin-A"
"Maggie, why are you using that? You're way too young to be using retinoids already."
"No, doctor, I'm not that young. (he checks my chart.) "I may look it, but that's because I'm using the retinoids!

He laughed and conceded defeat.

Buckaroo Spy

John Parker, who I love, is also Marcus Dixon, who I also love!

Built-in Idea

Hmm, maybe I could do this under my stairs across from the bathroom.

I know, first I have to finish building the upstairs closet and buy some furniture. But eventually I'm going to have to figure out where to put all my knicknacks.

But speaking of buying furniture... I might ditch the whole High Point idea and just order from Crate&Barrel&Room&Board. I want to start living in that house,and not be perpetually moving in.

Relax and take your time

So my friends named their new baby Lucy Alice. Go ahead and say that out loud a couple of times.
loo-see-al-iss
loo-see-al-iss
Lou Cialis.

I'd like to point this out to them before they baptize her, but I suspect that I should just keep my mouth shut. The early days of new parenthood are stressful enough, and this way she's already got something to hate them for when she hits adolescence.

Bang bang bang

Lots of shocking news over our British gossip wire today:

BANG! Justin and Cameron have broken up. (now he's after Scarlett Johansson, what? Oh, poor Britney!)

BANG! The O.C. has been cancelled. (sad, but not surprising, really, though I haven't seen this season yet.)

BANG! Paris Hilton has stopped sleeping with men, but now shares her bed with a monkey. (copycat bitch, monkeys are my thing!)

BANG! Kevin Federline hit on Lindsay Lohan, then called her "Firecrotch" when she turned him down. (Speaking of copycats. And does this man have any idea of how worthless he is in Hollywood? Come on, that wet rat making moves on the Ann-Margret goddess beauty of our day? Hah!)

Howlin' Miller

"if there's one thing a modern woman wants, I think, it's to appear as though she has just escaped from the clutches of Evil Headmaster Wackford Squeers, who beat her more than the rest of the foundlings simply because she kept trying to organize group readings of Naked Lunch."

Don't Hassel the Hoff

It has recently come to my attention that some of you don't know about the Amazon Cult of David Hasselhoff, so enjoy those customer reviews and Happy New Year!

(For more in humorous Amazon reviews, please also see the Vulcan's favorite, Ping the Duck.