Money well spent

When a rock-climbing 27-year-old hottie hardbody (yes, yes, it’s the Captain) called my breasts “gorgeous” this weekend, in a playing-doctor scene that really should have given my almost 38-year-old self some serious body anxiety . . . well, I have to admit, it made the $10K I spent on that reduction a few years ago totally worth it. I promise, I will never again complain and get all insecure that they’re a teeny bit lopsided.

But what about B, you might ask? Well of course I’m thrilled when he admires me as well. But he’s not objective. And just because I felt validated by the Captain does not mean I don't also appreciate it when it comes from B; it’s just that I was prepared for the young hardbody to be a harsher judge, so it was a very pleasant surprise.

Oh, calm down. It's okay, B knows all about it. He let me play out some lingering distractions as I conquer my long-standing commitment-phobia. This unexpected hook-up with the Captain came after two years of flirtatious IMs and racy text messages that I never thought would ever transcend the typed word.

Sample exchange #1:
Captain: Why are you wearing panties? Why aren’t they around your ankles?
Maggie: Because I’m getting cash from the ATM

Sample exchange #2:
Captain: It’s hot and I’m in bed. Are you naked yet?
Maggie: Nope, playing Scattergories with my roommate.
(Later I fed the cat, too.)

Grab your dick and double-click

Or, why Maggie can't get a date...

thisguy: i havent played D&D since middle school
thisguy: but i got hooked on WoW a little over a year ago
maggieb: I played D&D once
maggieb: in junior high
thisguy: you know what WoW is?
maggieb: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWEjvCRPrCo
thisguy: ...
thisguy: whats your deal exactly?
thisguy: do you have to know everything?

Please ignore, for the moment, that familiarity with a silly little YouTube video does not equate with knowing everything. This guy has been trying to get a date with me for over a week now. I am totally not interested, but was trying to be nice, maybe give him a chance. Want to know a great way to piss off a smart chick? Be annoyed that she's smart. I was only trying to entertain him with that link, and he got all defensive. But I took the high ground, and kept talking:

maggieb: no, I do not know everything
maggieb: but yes, I like to be as aware and informed as possible
maggieb: as I am an entertainment journalist
thisguy: mm hmm
maggieb: what, do you find it obnoxious that I need to know everything?
thisguy: no, not at all
thisguy: impressive and somewhat intimidating perhaps
maggieb: intimidating, great
maggieb: well, then I won't tell you about my most brilliant idea I had at work today, that will transform Boston as we know it.

And I didn't. And now he'll never get to fulfill his 20-year-old dream to date the prom queen. The last thing any accomplished, independent professional woman wants hanging around is a Berger.

(By the way, my new idea for work is absolutely brilliant, but also totally top secret. And it might take like a year or more to implement, so don't hold your breath. But I promise I'll tell you about it as soon as I can.)

(Oh, wait, no I can't, because then you'd know where I work...)

Ninjas, aging, and family chitchat

IMing with my cousin today:

maggieb: nice talking to you, however briefly, last night
maggieb: So what was that character's name?
DCP: Usagi Yojimbo
maggieb: and who was he?
DCP: to be entirely correct, the character was the star of his own comic book series, and he only guest-starred with the ninja turtles every once in a while
DCP: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usagi_Yojimbo
maggieb: you are a font of knowledge
maggieb: love you
DCP: love ya too
DCP: font of useless geeky knowledge
DCP: I certainly hope this info helps you win a bet or something
maggieb: well, after my bowling pratfall last night
maggieb: I need to contribute something worthwhile to the team
maggieb: You know how I used to complain that I was old?
maggieb: now I actually am
maggieb: I have injured my hip in a BOWLING accident!