Friday, March 31, 2006
Let Si Get This? I never had the chance...
Five years at Advance, and I never managed to break into the glamourous set. Sometimes you have to cut your losses...
Friday, March 24, 2006
Yes, a Leprechaun!
Did I ever tell you about the Tarot-reading leprechaun who told my future inteh Burlington Mall Macy's? He said I'd meet a guy who made me laugh. I love leprechauns.
Who knows how to make love stay?
Tell love you are going to Junior's Deli on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn to pick up a cheesecake, and if love stays, it can have half. It will stay.
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Weep
As I walked out of my building just now, I was seized with an overwhelming feeling. I mean that literally: overwhelming, as in I couldn't see, couldn't move, couldn't breathe, and definitely couldn't shake it off. Feeling, as in I physically felt as though something had grabbed hold of the soft spot just below my solar plexus, took a big handful and yanked hard.
I am deep in it. As sure as I was when I first heard about the new job and I just knew it was perfect for me, that it would make me happy and that I had to have it -- so too am I now sure that Chris is the guy. So what the hell is his problem, why is he fucking it up? Is this just part of the movie's plot, something I have to live with before the romantic, tear-jerking last scene? Or is this my punishment for talking about it too soon, unlike my long secretive silence about the job, for fear of jinxing it. I hope it's not some punishment or curse for breaking someone's heart in the past -- I've tried to be kind and not too much of a heartbreaker.
Haneway says that I need a guy who's sure that he wants me and is strong enough to go right out and get me, with none of this pussyfooting confusion bullshit. And a part of me agrees with her, but my solar plexus says otherwise. I need him to find the balls to be that guy.
My beloved friends, your positive thoughts helped seal the deal on the dream job. Can you spare a little more of those good vibes to secure my romantic happiness as well?
I am deep in it. As sure as I was when I first heard about the new job and I just knew it was perfect for me, that it would make me happy and that I had to have it -- so too am I now sure that Chris is the guy. So what the hell is his problem, why is he fucking it up? Is this just part of the movie's plot, something I have to live with before the romantic, tear-jerking last scene? Or is this my punishment for talking about it too soon, unlike my long secretive silence about the job, for fear of jinxing it. I hope it's not some punishment or curse for breaking someone's heart in the past -- I've tried to be kind and not too much of a heartbreaker.
Haneway says that I need a guy who's sure that he wants me and is strong enough to go right out and get me, with none of this pussyfooting confusion bullshit. And a part of me agrees with her, but my solar plexus says otherwise. I need him to find the balls to be that guy.
My beloved friends, your positive thoughts helped seal the deal on the dream job. Can you spare a little more of those good vibes to secure my romantic happiness as well?
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Closer: an old, incomplete, long-uppubbed post
A few months ago, I bought the DVD of Closer, my favorite movie of 2004. After watching it, I started to write the following post, but never finished it, because I couldn't put the words around what I was trying to say.
I really do love that movie, and I think everyone should see it. Come on over sometime and we can watch my DVD together. More importantly, I think anyone trying to understand my romantic inner workings should see it (similar to how when I was in grad school anyone who wanted to date me should have really watched Chasing Amy first, if only to spare us both the inevitable jealous blow-up).
Anyway, in the context of my recent posts and love-life dramas, it suddenly seemed worth posting, even if unfinished. So here you go...
"Hello, stranger"
So yes, I share salacious details of my sex life with strangers in this space. And true, those details tend to be somewhat wild, if at the same time dismissive of the co-stars. You can choose to believe them or not, as you wish.
I'm not sure if I've been in love since I moved to New York. I'm not even sure how long it had been before I came here. Memory is tricky. But I can assure you that I have loved, and loved fiercely.
It burns through all your resources, love like that. It's intimidating, even frightening. Maybe I could have found the fuel to keep that up, maybe I'm weaker than I'd like to think.
What I cannot tolerate is the empty return. To not have that intensity reflected back at me, or to have it twisted and distorted. . . that broke me down, eventually.
There's a scene at the beginning of the movie Closer when Jude Law and Natalie Portman's eyes lock from a distance as they walk towards each other on a crowded London street....
I really do love that movie, and I think everyone should see it. Come on over sometime and we can watch my DVD together. More importantly, I think anyone trying to understand my romantic inner workings should see it (similar to how when I was in grad school anyone who wanted to date me should have really watched Chasing Amy first, if only to spare us both the inevitable jealous blow-up).
Anyway, in the context of my recent posts and love-life dramas, it suddenly seemed worth posting, even if unfinished. So here you go...
"Hello, stranger"
So yes, I share salacious details of my sex life with strangers in this space. And true, those details tend to be somewhat wild, if at the same time dismissive of the co-stars. You can choose to believe them or not, as you wish.
I'm not sure if I've been in love since I moved to New York. I'm not even sure how long it had been before I came here. Memory is tricky. But I can assure you that I have loved, and loved fiercely.
It burns through all your resources, love like that. It's intimidating, even frightening. Maybe I could have found the fuel to keep that up, maybe I'm weaker than I'd like to think.
What I cannot tolerate is the empty return. To not have that intensity reflected back at me, or to have it twisted and distorted. . . that broke me down, eventually.
There's a scene at the beginning of the movie Closer when Jude Law and Natalie Portman's eyes lock from a distance as they walk towards each other on a crowded London street....
Monday, March 13, 2006
Of Heartache and Hanks
For all my cynicism, my running around with inappropriate men and treating them like tissue to be used and discarded, there's a part of me deep down that's a total romantic. And it is true, I have been known to fall in love, even at first sight once.
These transitional times, when you're uprooting yourself, making major changes, have a tendency to bring drama out. Suddenly nothing is status quo anymore, and people take action on stuff they would have let lie indefinitely without the shakeup. (yes, I will clean up this post later to get rid of cliches and bad writing, I promise.)
Over a year ago, a new guy started in the office upstairs from mine. We met while he was being taken on a tour of the building, and there was an instant spark. I can't explain it, but you know what I'm talking about anyway. A shared look, a smile you can't hide, a flip in the pit of your stomach. Later, we ran into each other on the PATH train, and talked and flirted as much as being surrounded by coworkers would allow. I wanted to invite him to PubNight, but we were interrupted by a coworker before I had a chance, and then we were at his stop.
And then I didn't see him for months. We don't work together, we had no reason to run into each other, and our paths never happened to cross.
Last August, the editor of the office upstairs quit, and I went to his goodbye party. And this guy was there (see, I don't even have a nickname for him!). After a little bit of proper party behavior, us both talking first to the editor and then with his friends, we eventually settled deeply into rudeness by only talking to each other.
For hours. We closed down the party.
We talked about career goals and our families, his father's death and my sick grandmother, running training -- everything from silly to deeply personal. We played questions and held nothing back. And he asked for my phone number, and very properly asked if he could call me to take me out soon. He even offered to run my September race with me, to keep me company and help me stay motivated.
We dismissed the fact that we worked together, because we didn't really work together. I tried to ignore that he's in sales, a field I'm always suspicious of, and that he was saying exactly what every woman wants to hear. We kissed outside the bar, but agreed that it shouldn't go any further, because we wanted to do it right and get to know each other, not hook up randomly and never see each other again. We promised we'd visit each other more often in the office, but we'd have to be professional and try not to distract each other when we were busy. And he took a picture of us together that is so cute I still have it on my digital camera. I'd love to show you, but you know I never put my face on this blog. Trust me, we look really happy.
I left the bar, and half an hour later got a sweet text message from him, which I gushed over, saved, and showed to all my friends.
In the following days, we e-mailed and IMed a bit, but nothing magical. And I was crazed with the work situation that was the first step in my ultimate decision to leave the company.
Then I got the call that my grandmother was dying (though she didn't until months later), and I had to leave for Chicago right away. I e-mailed him to explain, his response was tepid. I figured he had played me after all, and when I got back from Chicago I tried to let it go.
But I couldn't, not really. On the rare occasions when I did see him around the building, my stomach would leap. I tried very hard to ignore him and avoided going up to his office. It was childish, but I had work to do, and he distracted me no matter how hard I tried.
After he smiled at me in the hall one day, I IMed him "damn you for still having such a cute smile. not fair" and then immediately logged off, not wanting to give him a chance to not respond and break my heart.
That was the last I said to him, though my stomach still flipped on the rare occasions when I saw him around the building. His friend who I met on that same night in August, however, I had no problems talking to, and chatted amiably with every time I saw him.
Said friend had heard about my goodbye party and promised to be there.
These transitional times, when you're uprooting yourself, making major changes, have a tendency to bring drama out. Suddenly nothing is status quo anymore, and people take action on stuff they would have let lie indefinitely without the shakeup. (yes, I will clean up this post later to get rid of cliches and bad writing, I promise.)
Over a year ago, a new guy started in the office upstairs from mine. We met while he was being taken on a tour of the building, and there was an instant spark. I can't explain it, but you know what I'm talking about anyway. A shared look, a smile you can't hide, a flip in the pit of your stomach. Later, we ran into each other on the PATH train, and talked and flirted as much as being surrounded by coworkers would allow. I wanted to invite him to PubNight, but we were interrupted by a coworker before I had a chance, and then we were at his stop.
And then I didn't see him for months. We don't work together, we had no reason to run into each other, and our paths never happened to cross.
Last August, the editor of the office upstairs quit, and I went to his goodbye party. And this guy was there (see, I don't even have a nickname for him!). After a little bit of proper party behavior, us both talking first to the editor and then with his friends, we eventually settled deeply into rudeness by only talking to each other.
For hours. We closed down the party.
We talked about career goals and our families, his father's death and my sick grandmother, running training -- everything from silly to deeply personal. We played questions and held nothing back. And he asked for my phone number, and very properly asked if he could call me to take me out soon. He even offered to run my September race with me, to keep me company and help me stay motivated.
We dismissed the fact that we worked together, because we didn't really work together. I tried to ignore that he's in sales, a field I'm always suspicious of, and that he was saying exactly what every woman wants to hear. We kissed outside the bar, but agreed that it shouldn't go any further, because we wanted to do it right and get to know each other, not hook up randomly and never see each other again. We promised we'd visit each other more often in the office, but we'd have to be professional and try not to distract each other when we were busy. And he took a picture of us together that is so cute I still have it on my digital camera. I'd love to show you, but you know I never put my face on this blog. Trust me, we look really happy.
I left the bar, and half an hour later got a sweet text message from him, which I gushed over, saved, and showed to all my friends.
In the following days, we e-mailed and IMed a bit, but nothing magical. And I was crazed with the work situation that was the first step in my ultimate decision to leave the company.
Then I got the call that my grandmother was dying (though she didn't until months later), and I had to leave for Chicago right away. I e-mailed him to explain, his response was tepid. I figured he had played me after all, and when I got back from Chicago I tried to let it go.
But I couldn't, not really. On the rare occasions when I did see him around the building, my stomach would leap. I tried very hard to ignore him and avoided going up to his office. It was childish, but I had work to do, and he distracted me no matter how hard I tried.
After he smiled at me in the hall one day, I IMed him "damn you for still having such a cute smile. not fair" and then immediately logged off, not wanting to give him a chance to not respond and break my heart.
That was the last I said to him, though my stomach still flipped on the rare occasions when I saw him around the building. His friend who I met on that same night in August, however, I had no problems talking to, and chatted amiably with every time I saw him.
Said friend had heard about my goodbye party and promised to be there.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
moving is hard
I have all this cleaning to do, the last days at work were bittersweet, I got my heart broken (yes, it's possible), and my landlord is being a jerk about the subletting.
And I just changed the address on all my magazine subscriptions, and came to two disturbing realizations:
1. I don't know what my new address will be (I just forwarded everything to my parents)
2. My subscription to Newsweek ran out in July, and I hadn't even noticed. Clearly, I have way too many magazines, but we knew this already...
And I just changed the address on all my magazine subscriptions, and came to two disturbing realizations:
1. I don't know what my new address will be (I just forwarded everything to my parents)
2. My subscription to Newsweek ran out in July, and I hadn't even noticed. Clearly, I have way too many magazines, but we knew this already...
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Her cups runneth over yet again
I suspect that sometimes when Pammie takes the girls out for a spin, it's only because the shirt just won't button up!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Creep
Utterly fab -- hanging out with this amazing undergrad and her friends, and you think they're cool and they think you're cool, and they totally can't believe you're 35.
Utterly creepy -- then being joined by her boyfriend, and he's that way-younger guy you hooked up with a few months back.
Eww eww eww! Suddenly I badly wanted three kids and middle-aged spread. If I'm going to be working with the undergrads, I think I'd rather feel like their mom than their buddy.
But, careful what you wish for! This morning I put on my favorite jeans, and look at that! Middle-aged spread! Better grab a longer shirt .....
At least I don't look like this woman with the scunchy top ponytail next to me on the train platform. If you're going to age blond, please do so like Lauren Bacall or Catherine Deneuve, not like Casey Kasem's wife.
Utterly creepy -- then being joined by her boyfriend, and he's that way-younger guy you hooked up with a few months back.
Eww eww eww! Suddenly I badly wanted three kids and middle-aged spread. If I'm going to be working with the undergrads, I think I'd rather feel like their mom than their buddy.
But, careful what you wish for! This morning I put on my favorite jeans, and look at that! Middle-aged spread! Better grab a longer shirt .....
At least I don't look like this woman with the scunchy top ponytail next to me on the train platform. If you're going to age blond, please do so like Lauren Bacall or Catherine Deneuve, not like Casey Kasem's wife.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Monday, March 06, 2006
"I have a very small vagina"
As she was leaving my house, she fired this parting shot:
"I don't like big penises; I have a very small vagina."
I was speechless, so of course I have to blog it. Apparently it's elastic, which is accomodating for all sizes.
And on that note, I bid you goodnight!
"I don't like big penises; I have a very small vagina."
I was speechless, so of course I have to blog it. Apparently it's elastic, which is accomodating for all sizes.
And on that note, I bid you goodnight!
Natalie Portman cuts loose
Of course the latest SNL video rocks. But what I find most disturbing about Natalie Portman's Gangsta Rap is how much she resembles Audrey Hepburn while she's screaming and wreaking havoc.
Destination of the Month: Boston in March
More Zeitgeist: Smarter Travel has jumped on my bandwagon and is trying to clog up my escape route!
Be Kind, Rewind -- from DailyCandy
Look at me, one step ahead of the zeitgeist once again.
Okay, so those decks have been available for a while, but Daily Candy picks up on it a few months after I start my Great Mix Tape Conversion project!
Hmm, should I get one anyway? Does it work on Macs?
Okay, so those decks have been available for a while, but Daily Candy picks up on it a few months after I start my Great Mix Tape Conversion project!
Hmm, should I get one anyway? Does it work on Macs?
The Clooney-fest continues...
Ah, the Clooney Coma. Good taste is easy to recognize, as Bacall says (and didn't she look good last night?)
My husband gave the best Oscar acceptance speech!
Did he not? Oh, I think he did! So gracious, so funny, so true and non-boring! Love him. Congratulations, baby!
Sunday, March 05, 2006
My New Boyfriend
I'm beginning to think that Greg Grunberg is my perfect man. Tall, funny, smart, self-depricating, a little pudgy, consistently employed, loyal to his friends (especially those who keep him consistently employed).
Alas, he's already married with three kids, so he'll be no threat to George's husband status. But if Josh keeps dating that incontinent skank, Greg can easily have his spot on the boyfriend list.
Colin, on the other hand, isn't going anywhere.
Alas, he's already married with three kids, so he'll be no threat to George's husband status. But if Josh keeps dating that incontinent skank, Greg can easily have his spot on the boyfriend list.
Colin, on the other hand, isn't going anywhere.
Friday, March 03, 2006
March 16 -- Moving Day
So, the date is set. The movers are coming on Thursday, March 16, to pack everything that's going into the storage facility. Anything I want to keep with me, I have to pack before then.
That gives me 13 days to see and do everything on my New York list:
Cloisters
St. John the Divine
New York Public Library main branch
Shop the Flower District
walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
Governor's Island Gondola
the new MOMA
Yes, I know it's ridiculous that I never did some of those things. Anyone want to add anything else? Or join me on some of these jaunts?
That gives me 13 days to see and do everything on my New York list:
Cloisters
St. John the Divine
New York Public Library main branch
Shop the Flower District
walk across the Brooklyn Bridge
Governor's Island Gondola
the new MOMA
Yes, I know it's ridiculous that I never did some of those things. Anyone want to add anything else? Or join me on some of these jaunts?
Thursday, March 02, 2006
true to my blog name
I'm so restless and fidgety, I can't settle down and focus. Hence all the short posts today; it's all my mind can handle. I owe you all stories from Vegas, but all I give you is Peeps.
At least Peeps are delicious and nutritious, and hardly fictitious.
Tomorrow is the first of many going-away parties, this one at my place. Call me if you want to come and need more info.
As a party favor, I'm trying to put together a CD of New York and Boston-themed songs. Here's the playlist I have so far:
New York New York -- On The Town
No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn -- Beastie Boys
Fairy Tale of New York -- Pogues
New Amsterdam -- Elvis Costello
More Than a Feeling -- Boston
Sixth Avenue Heartache -- Wallfowers
Leaving New York -- REM
Boston -- Augustana
Back To Boston -- Rosebuds
New York, New York -- Ryan Adams
Sweet Baby James -- James Taylor
Tessie -- Dropkick Murphys
Roadrunner -- Modern Lovers
Dirty Water -- Standells
I could fit more on a CD, though. So please give me some suggestions, particularly of Boston-themed songs.
Yes, I already have the band Boston, and I think one song from them is enough to represent. And of course there are a million bands from New York and from Boston, but I'm looking for subject matter, not source.
Thanks!
At least Peeps are delicious and nutritious, and hardly fictitious.
Tomorrow is the first of many going-away parties, this one at my place. Call me if you want to come and need more info.
As a party favor, I'm trying to put together a CD of New York and Boston-themed songs. Here's the playlist I have so far:
New York New York -- On The Town
No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn -- Beastie Boys
Fairy Tale of New York -- Pogues
New Amsterdam -- Elvis Costello
More Than a Feeling -- Boston
Sixth Avenue Heartache -- Wallfowers
Leaving New York -- REM
Boston -- Augustana
Back To Boston -- Rosebuds
New York, New York -- Ryan Adams
Sweet Baby James -- James Taylor
Tessie -- Dropkick Murphys
Roadrunner -- Modern Lovers
Dirty Water -- Standells
I could fit more on a CD, though. So please give me some suggestions, particularly of Boston-themed songs.
Yes, I already have the band Boston, and I think one song from them is enough to represent. And of course there are a million bands from New York and from Boston, but I'm looking for subject matter, not source.
Thanks!
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
"Ode to Hangover" By Dean Young
As I just gave up red meat and beer for Lent (in addition tothe crack and drive-by shootings I give up every year), I won't be feeling like this for a while, at least.
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