Friday, August 18, 2006

deep cleansing breaths


Well, one drink would have been fine. But I had two.

Which would have been NOTHING back in my harder partying days in New York. But I have noticed that in the few short months since I've been back in Boston, my tolerance has gone way down. So I got a little tipsy, as my intern/the bar hostess put it. But what was stranger was that I didn't expect it or see it coming at all, as I'd only had two drinks, and with food too. So I made a couple of possibly ill-advised phone calls, got the intern laughing and Von shaking her head, and then went home and crashed immediately.

And today intern told me that their cocktails are notoriously strong, and each one is kind of the equivalent of two, and that they only let her have one when she's working there. So that explains a bit. Still, next time I'm sticking to the virgin drinks.

As for the move, here's what I have to do:
1. have electrician do some rewiring
2. have contractor reverse the hang of the door
3. have cleaning crew clean the place -- they came this morning
4. have the HVAC system flushed -- the HVAC guy says all I need to do is vacuum it out, but the house inspector had made it sound more complicated. So I called the Lumberjack last night to ask his opinion, and he didn't answer, nor did he call back or e-mail. Pout.
5. have the washer/dryer delivered -- scheduled for Sunday
6. have the fridge delivered -- scheduled for Tuesday
7. have the movers drop off my stuff -- scheduled for Tuesday.

I'd like to get the rest of the stuff done this weekend before the movers come, but I haven't been able to reach the electrician, and I'm currently pouting that the cleaners came before I was able to finish all the dust-generating construction work. As for what help I need, I basically need company while they're moving stuff in, because it's good to have more than one person supervising. The real help I'll need is unpacking, which will happen later, of course.

Now, here's what sucks the worst. The contractor that will rehang the door would have also done the cabinets, but for some reason I wanted to have the IKEA guys do that. And apparently he also does electrical work. So I could have had the cabinets, door, and electric all done two weeks ago, if I weren't so committed to making bad choices and making everything more complicated than it needs to be.

In fact, I'm so stressed about the move that I wept in A's arms in the middle of the Square a few nights ago. No, really, it's so bad -- I can't get the electrician to come, I'm worried that the work I've already had done isn't very good (they have to come back next week to fix it). It should have been easier than this, and my parents are in Italy, and things just keep going wrong, and I waited almost two months to move in so that things would be taken care of, and now they're not anyway, so I hyperventilate. I make things more difficult than they have to be; this was supposed to be exciting, not stressful.

Manda agrees that I'm spending too much time trying to make everything perfect, when I should be making it as easy for myself as I can. But she also, sweetheart that she is, assured me that I'm not alienating everyone, and not terrible, just a perfectionist.

Still, I think I lost the Lumberjack over this. He's barely spoken to me since the cabinet incident. Manda thinks that maybe he's giving me space to freak out, and he figures I'll call him if I need him. Except that I did call him last night and I did need him, and he neither answered nor called me back. Maybe he's waiting for the crazy moving stress to pass, or maybe he's sick of me, now that he's seen me at my craziest. Either way, he's not here whenI need him.

I can barely concentrate on work, but I must, because there may be big changes afoot. Work & moving. That's all I should have in my life right now. Once that's all settled, then Manda will give me permission to fuss over the 'Jack.

I can't move into my house and I am going to get fired. Sigh. I think I need some tea, and a boyfriend, or else I'm joining a convent. Which would conveniently resolve both the housing and the romance issues.


Anonymous said...

You are definitely spending too much time trying to get everything done perfectly. Perfection takes time. It doesn't have to be done before you move in. I'm still unpacking after almost 5 months. I still need to have my foundation (pier & beam) leveled. I still need blinds, a coffee table, need to get or do many things that will take me another year or two to accumulate or accomplish. And it's OK. So, relax and give yourself some time, and for goodness sakes, give yourself permission to screw things up a bit.

And, something to think about... while you are making 2 huge transitions [actually 3 - relocating, new job, buying a house] is perhaps [probably] not the best time to start a serious relationship. Again, relax...

Maggie said...

Agreed on all points. Though I did get a lot of stuff done over the weekend. I'm chilling, really. I've decided to spend money in exchange for my peace of mind, and to pay people to take care of things for me. It's working out well that way.

As for the job, I'm moving forward with the big changes, while apparently doing okay with the status quo. And the 'Jack? Saw him over the weekend, and I can't help it, I like him more and more each time I see him. It's the little things that send me over the edge, like that he drove my car because my foot had started bleeding again, and he drummed the steering wheel to my favorite CD.

I can wait for him, I will chill. Some days it's just not so easy, but you know how I am.

Anonymous said...

Oh, this is kind of painful to hear. Don't put your life on hold for someone.

Get out there and see what's out there. It's easy to settle on a guy but if he's not receptive to your energy, find someone who is. Easier said than done. You may end up building him up in such a way that he won't live up to in reality. And you're doing him as well as yourself a major disservice.

A guy I was interested in and who has gone through a lot of motions with me recently told me about the woman he dating sending him a text message to the extent of "i'm the luckiest gal in the city" to be with him. I nearly vomitted. He hadn't even started referring to her as his girlfriend. And I suspect if/when he does, he's going to be through with her in the next few weeks. At first my heart sank but then that evening I met someone who was interested and much more than mr. "god's gift to the earth." I'd ask this guy questions. lots of them. Don't worry about offending him. Find out how his past relationships went. Mr. "god's gift" had a track record of serial monagamy. The more you build him up the more you may resent him in the future. Let him do some of the obsession. Make him realize that other men are interested and find you appealing. Don't give him all your power. Make him work too.

Maggie said...

Thank you for the advice and the concern. But to be clear, when I said I can wait for him, I didn't mean that I was putting my life on hold, I just meant that I don't expect everything to fall into place immediately, and that I don't mind if it takes him a while to come around to how fabulous I am. In the meantime, I've been continuing with the move, and I've been meeting -- and flirting with -- other guys. And although I'm happy to see him when a bunch of us are together, I don't go out of my way to make it happen. I'm just way too busy for that right now, especially if he doesn't meet me halfway, and I've told him so.

Honestly, when we're not together, I find him annoying. It's only when we are hanging out together that I get hooked. So the solution is simple -- stay away and continue with the unpacking!